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I’ve Lost My Father to His Debt. – Nicole

I am a senior at [X] State University. I grew up with both of my parents my entire life with little to no financial difficulties.

Over the past few years my father has hit rock bottom with depression over the loss of money that he has being going through. My dad is a Self-Employed Contractor and has been since he was 18 years old; My grandfather started the company in the 1920′s. Growing up I remember my dad working all day everyday to take care of me and my mother and to also build his retirement.

A few years ago when the economy took a 180 turn my dad began to slowly lose everything he ever worked for. Now we are facing a possibility of losing our house that we have lived in for 20 years, the house that my father put blood, sweat and hard work into.

Growing up my dad was always happy and a guy that everyone loved to be around… But now he is depressed, quiet and grumpy. I cant stand to see him the way he is, especially in this one life that he has to live. I also cannot sit back and listen to him telling me and my mom that he failed us and that he feels beaten up from working his whole life to lose absolutely everything.

I have tried to talk to him and I know that he hears me but I also know that he will not become happy again until he is financially set again. As a male in his 50′s it is impossible for him to find a job now because no one wants to hire someone of his age.

I don’t know what else to do right now, I just know that I cannot sit back and watch my father being eaten alive by this economy anymore, we need help and we need it badly. We have lost everything.

Steve, What can I do? How can my father make back what he worked his whole life for and has lost all of?

Nicole

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About Steve Rhode

Steve Rhode
Steve Rhode is the Get Out of Debt Guy and has been helping good people with bad debt problems since 1994. You can learn more about Steve, here.
  • Steve Rhode

    I suppose another bit of advice is that he doesn’t need to land the perfect job, but a job. Being around others and doing something productive will help improve his overall outlook.

    Thanks for helping out Taxwork.

  • Taxwork

    The main thing your Dad needs to realize is this not his fault. There are thousands who find themselves in this same position, through no fault of their own. But he does need to adjust to this “new normal” economy. I was in a similar position. And I was surprised that, yes, people do hire 50 year oldsters.

  • Taxwork

    The main thing your Dad needs to realize is this not his fault. There are thousands who find themselves in this same position, through no fault of their own. But he does need to adjust to this “new normal” economy. I was in a similar position. And I was surprised that, yes, people do hire 50 year oldsters.

    • http://GetOutOfDebt.org Steve Rhode

      I suppose another bit of advice is that he doesn’t need to land the perfect job, but a job. Being around others and doing something productive will help improve his overall outlook.

      Thanks for helping out Taxwork.

  • Steve Rhode

    Nicole,

    I feel your pain. Maybe this post I wrote before will help. And this one as well.

    Your father has slipped into the grasp of the demon dark hole known as failure. His shame and depression leave him hopelessly likely to not be able to pull his way out without help. Having you searching for answers is a big help and he should be proud of you for doing so.

    At this point what your father needs is help to stop the slow downhill slide and rise up, take some action to make a plan for the future, and execute it.

    Now this plan might be to sell the house, before it is lost, move to a small apartment and live within his income.

    Your father also needs to seek assistance with his depression. Depression leads to the inability to see clearly, develop a plan, take action, follow through, etc. He should see his doctor as soon as possible and have a conversion with him about the depression. If he will let you, go with him to that appointment to help explain what is happening with his mood and personality.

    If you thought it is hard for him to admit financial defeat, wait till he tries to tell someone else he’s depressed.

    His feeling of failure does not alter reality. The reality is that his expected financial life is slipping away and he does not know what to do.

    What he has lost sight of is that in life we are guaranteed nothing, not even our next breath. He can continue to lament what was and what should be but that does not change the reality of what is.

    I want you to keep me posted on his situation. He’s going to need some tough love to get over this hurdle but if you don’t push him to get help and make some decisions to get his life to fit within his income then the future will only be worse.

    I’m counting on you to do this. Otherwise I’ll have to fly out there and kick his ass myself to get him moving in a positive direction.

    Steve

  • http://GetOutOfDebt.org Steve Rhode

    Nicole,

    I feel your pain. Maybe this post I wrote before will help. And this one as well.

    Your father has slipped into the grasp of the demon dark hole known as failure. His shame and depression leave him hopelessly likely to not be able to pull his way out without help. Having you searching for answers is a big help and he should be proud of you for doing so.

    At this point what your father needs is help to stop the slow downhill slide and rise up, take some action to make a plan for the future, and execute it.

    Now this plan might be to sell the house, before it is lost, move to a small apartment and live within his income.

    Your father also needs to seek assistance with his depression. Depression leads to the inability to see clearly, develop a plan, take action, follow through, etc. He should see his doctor as soon as possible and have a conversion with him about the depression. If he will let you, go with him to that appointment to help explain what is happening with his mood and personality.

    If you thought it is hard for him to admit financial defeat, wait till he tries to tell someone else he’s depressed.

    His feeling of failure does not alter reality. The reality is that his expected financial life is slipping away and he does not know what to do.

    What he has lost sight of is that in life we are guaranteed nothing, not even our next breath. He can continue to lament what was and what should be but that does not change the reality of what is.

    I want you to keep me posted on his situation. He’s going to need some tough love to get over this hurdle but if you don’t push him to get help and make some decisions to get his life to fit within his income then the future will only be worse.

    I’m counting on you to do this. Otherwise I’ll have to fly out there and kick his ass myself to get him moving in a positive direction.

    Steve

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