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I Need to Get Out of Debt But Not Let My Husband Know. It Needs to be a Secret. – Karen

“Dear Steve,

I am 51 year old woman with a husband and two kids 21 and 17. been married for 32 years. the last few years or more i should say things just have gotton way out of control. i work two jobs and hubby one. i have always supported my kids to do there racing. as our town is full of beer and drugs the kids could get into if i didnt keep them doin the stuff they loved to do. then things just got worse my hubby got RA and cant do alot of the things he use to do. so to make a story short. I got myself into a big problem. I cant funciton anymore i cant think straight. My older son went down hill after his bad accident. Got into drugs and drinking. I went nuts. I know iam depressed but i have no engery to even do that all i do is go to work and then home and just lay down. i just cant function . i dont talk to no one. ALways so scared to answer phone. I got us into a debt of almost 40000.00 in credit card debt. i pay the minium payment. and which now th e cards are at 29.9 percent. cause iam late on payments. Now the biggest thing is i havent not even told my hubby at all. he would prob die of a heartatack. i thought of debt settlemnt. dont knoww what do do at this point. I even thought of having a accident so that i could just die and then my life insurance could pay for it. iam prob the worst person u have had to contact you .

What is the best debt settlement you know of. I cant do Bankrupty . I really dont want him to find out. I thought of refinace but he would have to know. God is there a way u can help me. The cards do have his name on it as with mine. Iam at my last resort. i cant keep up with these bills. what would you do. I hope u dont think iam stupid which iam but Iam pleading to you for help if you can help me find a way out. my card are with citiamerican express and hbsc union plus card i have other small ones.

Karen”

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The Answer

Dear Karen,

I need to be honest with you. Keeping this a secret or actually, trying to keep it a secret, never works.

If you are going to try to deal with this the best way possible, you really need to come clean with your husband about this. He will find out at some point and it always works out better if you are the one to bring it up instead of the partner finding out about it.

If you go the debt settlement route the phone calls and risk of being sued will go up, not down. There is no magic solution here. A real solution is going to involve the entire family and I’m going to need you to be strong to help you and your family to get through this situation.

First, if you have medical insurance I strongly suggest you go talk to your medical doctor about your depression and seek treatment for it. Depression and debt only lead to bigger problems. Depression creates inactivity, the inability to develop a plan, the inability to execute a plan, and depression leaves you drowning for a lot longer period of time.

Next, the kids will be impacted by your decision to deal with the debt. While they have been fortunate to enjoy racing, that will end once you address the debt situation. It sounds as if the racing is funded by the credit so having the credit closed down by any debt relief solution will impact them.

If you don’t feel you have the strength to lead your family out of this mess then contact Damon Day and he can help you to come up with a plan and assist you to implement it.

The bottom line here is that based on your husbands medical condition, your current emotional state, your level of debt based on your income and the most comprehensive way to deal with this situation that will minimize collections and prevent lawsuits; it looks like bankruptcy is the logical solution.

I suggest before you come to any conclusions to not consider bankruptcy, that you click here to find a local bankruptcy attorney and talk to them about your specific situation. Only by discussing your situation with a bankruptcy attorney will you be able to understand what bankruptcy means for you instead of assuming.

The time has come to not make any additional decisions based on fear, but to remedy your situation based on facts and what is best moving forward.

The quicker you address the situation, the faster you can put it all behind you.

Once you come up with a game plan with Damon Day of a local bankruptcy attorney then you can approach your husband, come clean, and it will soften the blow if you already have a way to solve the situation in place.

Sure, the atmosphere may chill for a week or two once you come clean but you know what happens later, the frost melts and things get better, a lot better.

It’s time to no longer live in fear of your debt and what your husband will say. Now is the time we need to take action to make tomorrow a better day.

Please update me on your progress by posting updates here in the comments section of your question. I’m very interested in how this works out for you.

Big Hug!

I Need to Get Out of Debt But Not Let My Husband Know. It Needs to be a Secret.   Karen
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About Steve Rhode

Steve Rhode
Steve Rhode is the Get Out of Debt Guy and has been helping good people with bad debt problems since 1994. You can learn more about Steve, here.
  • Vcampsales5

    Hi Karen,

    Steve is right about the honesty part. I have NEVER been good with money and have been through 2 divorces, plus in-between I have raised a child who now has a home and family of her own. I have since been fortunate enough to meet a great man. Since I was out of work (who hasn’t???) for about a year before we met, I was afraid to tell him about my financial picture (and believe me, it was UGLY!!!). I took the bull by the horns, so to speak and told him EVERYTHING! Well, to my surprise, he had debts of his own and we have been working on a “recovery plan,” which includes backruptcy for him (he is disabled and living on SSI, also gets Medicare) and possibly for me as well. I am glad you wrote to Steve, as I have written to him a few times before when I was so overwhelmed I did not know what to do (he is very caring and gives good advice). I,TOO, faced and dealt with major Depression, because there isn’t too much that’s more depressing that not being able to pay your bills (and having collection agencies call constantly). IT WILL get better, I promise. Take small steps, save in every area you can and make it a challenge (we LOVE coupons and special offers!) so it seems more like fun than a struggle. Once you “come clean,” and start to feel better inside (with meds or not) you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. We can ALL look back and see things we may have done differently (coulda, shoulda, woulda), but that won’t fix today. My unsolicited advice? I have been in this position (or one like it), and it DOES and will get better. Please talk to your Dr. or someone who can help with the Depression, and be honest with your family about things. Sounds like you have had all of this on your shoulders and it’s time for them to “share the load.” Also, and this is probably the worst part, please force yourself to sit down and write down ALL your bills, your living expenses and you income and then see where you are. It’s like taking a trip to a new place: you can’t get there without some sort of a map. I think you will find after talking to an attorney (most give the first visit for free) you will feel better and not so much “alone.” Take care and I wish you and your family much success! Happy Holidays!

    Valerie

  • Vcampsales5

    Hi Karen,

    Steve is right about the honesty part. I have NEVER been good with money and have been through 2 divorces, plus in-between I have raised a child who now has a home and family of her own. I have since been fortunate enough to meet a great man. Since I was out of work (who hasn’t???) for about a year before we met, I was afraid to tell him about my financial picture (and believe me, it was UGLY!!!). I took the bull by the horns, so to speak and told him EVERYTHING! Well, to my surprise, he had debts of his own and we have been working on a “recovery plan,” which includes backruptcy for him (he is disabled and living on SSI, also gets Medicare) and possibly for me as well. I am glad you wrote to Steve, as I have written to him a few times before when I was so overwhelmed I did not know what to do (he is very caring and gives good advice). I,TOO, faced and dealt with major Depression, because there isn’t too much that’s more depressing that not being able to pay your bills (and having collection agencies call constantly). IT WILL get better, I promise. Take small steps, save in every area you can and make it a challenge (we LOVE coupons and special offers!) so it seems more like fun than a struggle. Once you “come clean,” and start to feel better inside (with meds or not) you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. We can ALL look back and see things we may have done differently (coulda, shoulda, woulda), but that won’t fix today. My unsolicited advice? I have been in this position (or one like it), and it DOES and will get better. Please talk to your Dr. or someone who can help with the Depression, and be honest with your family about things. Sounds like you have had all of this on your shoulders and it’s time for them to “share the load.” Also, and this is probably the worst part, please force yourself to sit down and write down ALL your bills, your living expenses and you income and then see where you are. It’s like taking a trip to a new place: you can’t get there without some sort of a map. I think you will find after talking to an attorney (most give the first visit for free) you will feel better and not so much “alone.” Take care and I wish you and your family much success! Happy Holidays!

    Valerie

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