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I Want to Fucking Kill Myself Over My Debt. – Lance

Steve,

I don’t even know who you are. A person to tell my darkest thoughts. Thoughts I won’t even tell the people closest to me.

I have a lot of debt. $20,000 easily in college loans. I owe $250 to my bank, $1,078 in an early access loan at my bank, about six pay day loans that I can’t pay back.

If I dont pay rent tomorrow me and my room mate will be evicted. I don’t have the money. I owe my parents $700. I owe $200 on my phone bill.

On top of this, the girl I was going to propose to in June cheated on me. I have nothing, I am nothing. I don’t even know why I’m fucking writing you. I’m getting drunk so I have the bravery to go to the raddison here in Kalamazoo to jump off the top of the building.

I guess I’m writing so that some one knows my story.

If you don’t see the story in the news, then I found money some how. If not… My name is Lance, I was born 12/14/1985 and might be dead 01/31/2012.

I guess the myans were right, 2012 is the end.

Lance

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The Answer

Dear Lance,

Us Michigan guys have to stick together. So let’s get through this.

First off, there is no doubt that the situation you are going through right now totally sucks. I can only remember how low I’ve felt at low times in my life and imagine you going through darker times.

By the way, I did search out a picture of the Radisson in Kalamazoo and while it looks sufficiently high to off yourself from, the point is why?

I Want to Fucking Kill Myself Over My Debt.   Lance

Radisson Plaza Hotel at Kalamazoo Center

Life sucks right now but if you work through this it will get better, if that’s any comfort. At least I didn’t give you that stupid “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade” line.

Most of the people reading this right now have lived through similar times that felt overwhelming and like their heads were going to explode.

I’ll tell you why you are writing to me, because I do care. But getting you out of this is going to be a team effort. You have to participate and for you to participate you need to be upright and breathing.

Tell me about yourself in the comments below. And while you are doing that, are the student loans private or government subsidized?

There are better solutions that fucking quitting here and taking the big leap. Besides, if you do decide to do something drastic, I will personally come to Michigan and kick you in the ass for doing something stupid.

We need a plan, not blind panic.

Deal?

Please post your responses and follow-up messages to me on this in the comments section below.

Big Hug!

I Want to Fucking Kill Myself Over My Debt.   Lance
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About Steve Rhode

Steve Rhode
Steve Rhode is the Get Out of Debt Guy and has been helping good people with bad debt problems since 1994. You can learn more about Steve, here.
  • lost in debt

    I know what you mean…I decided to take everyones advice and invest in persuing my dreams as an artist.  i applied to one of the most prestigious schools in the country and actually got accepted…i left my career and put everything i had to fulfilling this dream. i took out loans for over $100,000 and got to my senior year when i discovered i could no longer qualify for loans.  I did all that i could but had to walk away…now here i am trying to survive in this horrible economy…with 3/4ths of a degree! i owe over 1200 a month in just student loans…i cant afford that so i just try too keep them deferred…the interest is just growing and growing…It just seems easier to put a bullet in my brain, but i press on and will continue to do so.  It’s really tough.

  • Vcampsales

    HI Lance,
    I read your letter and even though we have never met, I have been where you are.  I have been “asshole deep in debt many times” and have thought about taking my life but then I thought, “why give debt that much power over me?”  No matter WHAT you are going through, as Steve has said, debt is debt.  It COULD ALWAYS be worse…you could be on the street, have almost been there, look around, there are people you can probably talk to…a lawyer, a counselor, a priest or rabbi, someone who cares and will listen.  I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it WILL get better.  I lost a good friend to suicide, over debt.  We found out after he left this world he really did not owe that much money, it could have been “fixed.”  Good luck and God bless.
    Vicki

  • Anonymous

    It is hard but it can be worked out.
    I am in the same boat had the same feelimgs, then you realize that you have options..
    keep strong

  • Keep looking up!!

    I don’t know if it’s high enough!!

  • http://northeast-properties.com Andy Faria

    Lance,

    The second you step off that building, you’ll realize that you made a huge irreversable mistake. Then it will be followed by about 3 seconds of sheer terror and regret. Don’t do it, it’s not worth it… Have another drink and pass out, tomorrow’s another day and you can start turning this thing around as soon as you wake up.

    In the morning, I would suggest that you call your landlord as soon as possible. Explain to him that you’re short on cash, you feel badly and are doing everything you can to get caught up. He should understand and respect you for that. If he doesn’t treat you with the same respect, keep in mind that he can’t just kick down your door and throw you out into the street. Michigan has eviction laws that he is required to follow. It takes a while and costs a lot to evict someone, and if he would rather go that route than accept your reasonable offer,,, than he’s just plain stupid, and you can straight up tell him that. Regardless of how it goes, you will feel a hell of a lot better after making this call.

    The next thing to do is to reach out to everyone else that you owe money to. Explain to them that you’ve run into hard times and that you have every intention of paying them back, but it may take a bit longer than was originally agreed to. You will meet varying responses from each of them. Some will be completely understanding, listen to your situation,  and offer you flexible repayment terms… others will refuse to be helpful and demand payment… and others won’t even know who you are and you will be met with a blank stare. Regardless, it doesn’t matter, your debts will get paid off in the timeframe that your budget allows. None of the debts that you mentioned will land you in jail, or hanging from the gallows. Make a budget, prioritize the debts, and don’t worry about what they want. Again, after making these calls you will now feel even better.

    As for the skeezy bimbo that cheated on you.. don’t call her. She doesn’t deserve the time it would take to dial her number. Of all of your problems, my guess is that this one will probably take you the longest to get over, because it’s not something that cash can take care of. It’s mental, and it’s hard. I know I’ve been there.

    The only advice I can give here is what an old friend told me once when I was going through something similar…. he told me, “living well is the best revenge”… it didn’t make much sense to me at the time because I was so wrapped in what happened to me, but eventually it sunk in, and I’ve never forgotten it.  

    So Lance, I don’t know you from a hole in the ground. But my senses tell me that you’re a decent dude. I say that because in a world full of people that no longer give a shit about themselves, the people around them, the money they owe…. you clearly do care. In fact you care enough that it is driving you into a sense of desperation… that’s not a bad thing.

    Don’t rob the world of everything you will bring to it in the future. Go to bed, and wake up tomorrow spitting bullets. You got this shit.

    Andy

    • Al

      Well said Andy! Lance, hang in there man. The advice that Andy has given you above is valid, and I certainly hope you will follow it as well as you can. You’d be surprised how understanding and helpful those whom you owe money to can be by simply and sincerely reaching out to them. Best of luck. In due time, these draconian lending laws will change in this country as there are a shitload of people like yourself (and myself included) who need to be able to discharge these fucking criminal student loans. We’re all in this together, man. We need you to help us fight!
      —Al

  • Sweeney Writes

    No matter how much you owe, no one can put you in jail. A lot of people are feeling the pain of debt right now, so don’t give up. You would be surprised how many others are going through this.

  • Redstorm

    you are a self serving idiot to post this 

    • http://GetOutOfDebt.org Steve Rhode

      So what advice do you have for Lance or is that it?

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