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Home > Reader Questions > Newlywed Full Time Student and Can’t Make Ends Meet. – Leah

Newlywed Full Time Student and Can’t Make Ends Meet. – Leah

I just got married and am a full time student. I have scholarships to pay for schooling and a part time job. But my husband hasn’t found any work in this small college town and doesn’t seem motivated to find one even though I’m stressed out about it and I have been trying to help him find a job and have expressed to him that he needs a job.

He’s looked What do I do? we won’t have enough money to pay rent in a month and my parents are broke from my dad’s liver transplant. how can we stretch the little money we have left?

Leah

Newlywed Full Time Student and Can't Make Ends Meet. - Leah by

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This is information that was submitted by a third party and not generated by GetOutOfDebt.org or Steve Rhode.
  • Donna

    Leah,

    Being retired military LTC USARNC  I am a firm believer in the education, leadership, training, and strength that can be obtained from joining the US Military.  Pay, health benefits, life insurance, and most of all pride from within.  Has your husband considered this route?  You can stay in school, perhaps in a dorm while he gets himself settled, taking classes on line when you are able to join him at a base.  Just remember What doesn’t kill us will make us stronger….find a place locally to perhaps destress for free…yoga…meditation…also it is amazing the help a local church can provide, if even free counseling for you marriage.   Best of luck..

  • Micka Roy

    Check to see if you’re eligible for government grants. Every year the government gives away free money and you might be able to receive some. That can temporarily help out. Sometimes the government also has grants according to your situation, so don’t be shy and try to research to get some help that you don’t have to pay back. I’m currently in the process of trying to get a kit that allows me to know my options. Still testing it out, so wish me luck. I’ve gotten positive feedback so far. Wish you all the best. Sometimes tough love is the best kind to give. Honestly,  if you’re stressed out and he doesn’t realize that,   and is not willing to help,  maybe you need to give him a little stress in the form of an ultimatum, “Do something or else!” You seem like you’re on the edge of a nervous breakdown. If a child tells his parent,  “I’m hungry.” and the parent says, ”I love you.” the hunger need is still not fulfilled. There is a decision that has to be taken. Don’t let that child starve!

  • Pbraun03

    Tell him if he wants things to work out until you finish your studies he needs to do his part. Any income will help. Also try to file for assistance for rent or utilities.

  • BriarRoseHL

     Leah,

    I imagine your scholarships require that you retain full time student status, so part time probably is not an option. Have you considered having him ask his family for help since he is unemployed? 2 things may arise here…1.) He’ll realize that he shouldnt be asking for help in his marriage, as a grown man. He should be finding a job. That may be the reality check he needs. 2.) They may actually help, while you are still in school.

  • AKLoneWolf

    Hello Leah, First, I would take care of your self. Meaning, I know bills are stressful.  You are going to be stressed regardless so take a moment for you.  Don’t worry what the husband is doing for now. Take care of your backyard (just for the moment to plant seeds so to speak.) You get the second job or do what ever it takes to make rent, food, etc. You obviously married someone you trusted and believed in.  Some people handle stress differently. Since you are the go getter be the go getter. Your husband will notice that you are going balls to the wall and will notice you have stopped nagging. Don’t worry what he thinks at the moment since he isnt contributing. You make the decisions and once he decides to join in then do it as a couple.  But for now, pay whats important.  Rent, food, utilities. 

    • Micka Roy

      Sometimes ignoring someone is not the solution. They can become even lazier and more dependent on you, which will add to your stress. If you’re already drowning, don’t add weights to your foot and wonder why you’re incapable of saving yourself.  Listen to that voice from within (woman’s intuition).  Many times we shush that voice and end up in worse situations. You know what you have to do! Don’t worry about pleasing others because at the end of the day,  you only have one person that you have to please—and that’s you. Take time out to plan your next step, and do nothing impulsively. Always have a plan B to fall on. Research if you have to because nothing in life comes easy.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/KM6YGTZ53TUVSBZ77EELSFZV7I steven

    Leah , you got to really cut all the things you dont need out of life to get yourself back on your feet

  • KarenJ

    Leah, I had a similar situation 30+ years ago when I was a newlywed.  I wasn’t in school at the time, but I was working full-time while my husband was “looking” for work.  After about a year of supporting him and stressing over bills, I had no choice but to threaten to leave him knowing full well I’d have to make good on it, and it wasn’t easy.  He took me seriously and got a minimum wage job and it helped tremendously.  You need to put your foot down now before you end up supporting him for the rest of your life.  

  • Msullivan

    Leah,

    If you decide to borrow money to keep your husband, I hope you realize that loans start at http://www.studentloans.gov. Private loans are a last resort and Jason S is trying to sell something. 

  • Jason S

    I have a service that can help you Leah.  www.fedstudentloan.com  Feel free to call me direct at 208-639-6410 Jason S

    • Jason S

      I do want to clarify that essentially my advice is to borrow a bit extra to live off of while in school and hopefully upon graduation you will find a great job that enables you to easily make your payments.  If that is not the case I have a service that works with the DOE to assist in Loan Forgiveness via the utilization of various state and federal government sources

      • http://GetOutOfDebt.org Steve Rhode

        What!!!!!!

      • Micka Roy

        Jason,  we cannot live on hope.  We all hope to win the lottery when we buy a ticket,  but if we’re realistic, we end up screwed. We have to make decisions in life that have a higher percentage of success than failure. She is already living in a complex situation and your advice is to borrow more money?  Not a good idea. If all fails, she’ll be making another step backwards.  After graduation,  there’s no guarantee that she’ll find a job quickly,  especially if she’s living in a college town and it’s difficult to find work.  Anyway, thanks for trying to give her some advice.  I guess it’s the thought that counts.

  • Msullivan

    Leah,

    There is no good way to make this work. Yes, you can eat Ramen noodles and turn down the heat and walk to class but the bottom line is that you are trying to keep yourself and your husband on your income from a part-time job. It is highly unlikely that you can do that so even if you pay the rent next month you won’t be able to pay it the following month. 

    Since we can only spend what we have and you are not going to be able to spend much less, you need to focus on earning more. That means either you or your husband must earn more. If your husband is unable or unwilling to work you need to drop out of school and find a full-time job. Of course this will limit your future opportunities.

    You could also stop supporting your husband so that you still have a chance for a brighter future but you did not raise that possibility so I assume you would rather live in poverty with him than risk losing him by telling him to contribute or get out. That is your right. We all live with the consequences of our decisions and this is a very important decision for you.

    Good Luck!

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