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You Ain’t Your Fucking Debt

You Aint Your Fucking Debt

On the way from a weekend visiting really good friends and having lots of laughs, yesterday I was talking with Pam in the car, in the rain, and on cruise control.

I was just thinking back on how all the difficult moments of our nearly 28 year relationship have changed our course. There was the day our daughter stopped breathing and turned blue, and the IRS audit, on the same damn day. Then there was our financial failure and bankruptcy. There was the exhilaration of creating of a huge non-profit financial assistance group, and the depression of winding it down, twelve years latter. There were all the great employees and friends we worked with and then there was laying them all off. There were definitely dark days but looking back, all those dark days and pain lead to a better future.

I just watched the video above, (you can start at 1:50 if you don’t want to watch the intro) and it is more about photography, but when you watch it ALL you’ll understand that everybody, in every place and at every time is struggling with the emotion of pain and the depression of feeling like a failure.

When I got my financial ass handed to me I wish I just had a friend at that time that said the following words to me:

“Learn from what you are living through right now, better days will come your way. But most of all, be grateful for all the good things you have in your life on a daily basis. You ain’t your fucking debt.”

You ain’t your fucking debt.Click to Tweet

Those simple ideas would have served me well and helped me to know that even though I was down, way down, like homeless down, I was not out.

You might be kind of down right now. You might be worrying about how to pay the bills, or that your checking account is pathetic. You might be worried about the next call from a collector or fearing the loss of your home. But let me tell you one thing that is absolutely true. None of it really matters. Really.

The tighter you try to hold on to your material possessions, the more screwed up things seem to become. Rather than be bitter, try to find some magic way to bridge over the pain and carry yourself towards tomorrow because trust me, the pain will pass and tomorrow will be better. It’s always been that way for me and trust me, it will be that way for you.

Steve

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About Steve Rhode

Steve Rhode
Steve Rhode is the Get Out of Debt Guy and has been helping good people with bad debt problems since 1994. You can learn more about Steve, here.
  • Deb

    Good advice and believe me, I can relate. YOU are not your debt, as Steve says.

    Got my car re-possessed last week, got 2 judgments against me now. Probably a few more coming. On Tier 3 of 16 months of unemployment with about 4 more left. Hoping for 6 more weeks on Tier 4. No job prospects with 2 graduate degrees and over 20+ years experience. I’ve been a teacher, a counselor, a Naval Officer, a recipient of many academic awards. None of it seems to matter now. I’ve done a Chapter 7 and will likely do another one in a few years. I am 10 years away from SS retirement and wonder if that will be there for me. I have no pension or any savings.

    I am now riding a scooter (cheap one, paid for by unemployment money) and am enrolled in a local vocational school for nursing assistant license at age 55. Also paid for by unemployment money. I have learned that I can ride in the rain, make sandwiches cheaper than drive throughs, check books out of the library, and grow my own vegetables. I can shop at Good Will and cut my own hair. I vaccinate my own dogs, do their grooming, and cut their nails. We cook a lot more at home and really enjoy our lives inspite of the financial challenges.

    Life looking bleak? Hell no! I wake up every day thanking God for the good things that I DO have: friends (some deserted me this past year, probably afraid I’d ask them for a penny!), family, my health, wonderful pets, a roof over my head, my integrity, and food to eat. It could be a whole lot worse.

    I enjoy the sunrises and sunsets, watching the birds at my feeders, the smell of the grass after I mow it, the beauty of the days that come. Yea, I get down, but I try not to stay there. Suicide has passed through my mind during really dark moments, but why would I let “them” take the most precious gift of all from me, my life? NO WAY!

    Am I “Polly Anna”? NO. But if I give up hope, then I know I am screwed. I must keep a positive mindset and plan for a new future. I must focus on the positive. I refuse to let financial circumstances ruin (or take) my life from me. So much of how I experience my future will depend on my attitude. I AM a good person. I DO have something to contribute to this life. I believe that things will work out. I have to. I am not afraid of garnisheements or BK. Bring it on. You cannot hurt me if I don’t let you, debt mongers! I will always win!

    Bankruptcy is a tool for liberation. Student loans can be consolidated, deferred, adjusted for hardship, and forgiven in some cases. No matter. Figure out how you can manage to move on with your life, even if you are forced to make choices to not pay or allow judgments or watch your car be pulled out of your driveway. The world does not end and you can go on if you keep an open mind and heart.

    The most important thing is that you do not let debt “take your life” by breaking your spirit. I would live in a tent and sing for my supper rather than EVER consider taking my life over debt.

    That would mean that the bastards won! Well, it ain’t gonna happen. I WILL take back my life and not let them have the power!

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