Crazy Things to Do When You Can’t Pay The Bills
Living through money troubles, collection calls, delinquent notices and the fear of not being able to pay bills is not only scary but it makes us do some really stupid things.
I thought I’d give you a free copy of my book Eliminate Your Debt Like a Pro. It is in a PDF format so just click on that link to download it. The book is a free gift to you from me. I hope you enjoy it. It is packed with a lot of good advice, debt elimination techniques and things you should consider.
But I wanted to share with you a couple of get out of debt tips I was thinking about today.
As always, while some of my advice may sound a bit odd at times, there is always a reason why I say what I do.
Don’t Open Your Bills
If you have just realized that you are in deep trouble or you are in the middle of a debt panic attack, take a bill holiday. Just grab a shoebox and all the mail that comes in that looks like bills, toss it in the shoebox for one week.
Use the week to take a stress vacation and help to get your thoughts back to a place where you are mentally prepared to face your situation. You might even find it helpful to ask a close friend to sit down with you when you open the bills at the end of your bill vacation.
Once you can take that little break you can often face the situation with a new outlook or a new resolve and while the numbers may not be what you’d like to see, you can face the reality of what’s in the mail just a bit stronger than before.
Once you open the bills, you know I’m always here for you if you need to ask for advice or to lean on me. Don’t be afraid or shy to write to me for help.
Smile, Smile, Smile
Being in debt sucks. There is no other way to look at it. Even though I lived through my debt struggles and emerged out the other side and then used what I learned to help others, the pain of being in debt, suffering in silence and the shame I felt, sucked.
But what I learned was that just because my life was in the toilet was no reason I had to take it out on others. In fact, being in deep and dark debt made me appreciate the simplest things in my life. I learned to be grateful for someone holding the door or just going out of their way to be nice.
A tremendous amount of the pain we feel when we are suffering in debt is internal emotional pain we create in ourselves. But it is real, it is debilitating and it is life changing. However, there are children around us, a loving spouse, friendly co-workers or maybe kind clients or customers that deserve a smile from us, a kind word or maybe a kind deed. All of those things are free and things we can share with the world as we recover.
The more good we do for others, the better we feel about ourselves.
Take Yourself to the Movies
If you are feeling overloaded at work, at home, from the bills and debts; give yourself some time alone. When the walls feel like they are closing in we all need to just take a mind break from the world, even for a couple of hours. That’s OK.
So you go and spend $10 on a movie. Your financial situation is not going to be radically different because you spent $10 on yourself. It won’t sink you but going and watching a movie will take your mind off your troubles for a couple of hours and give you some alone time to just escape from the pressure and stress you may be feeling. It’s okay to treat yourself in moderation and time to time when you are living through hell.
Be Kind to the Debt Collector
The debt collector is just trying to do their job, collect the debt you owe. Once you realize that the debt collector is just an hourly employee sitting in front of the computer dialer and being whipped to collect you can relax a bit when they call.
Use your smile when you are on the phone and try to make a friend of the collector. That does not mean that you should promise to make any payment you can’t afford to pay, just be nice.
When collectors were calling me I got to know some of them fairly well. And once I started my life helping people with debt problems I had many clients that were debt collectors.
I remember once I went to visit a national debt collection center and I noticed there were guards at the door. After visiting the center and looking at all the unhappy employees on the phones, I walked out wondering if the guard was to keep people out or the collectors in.
If a debt collector is being rude and mean, you don’t have to take that but you also don’t have to stoop to that level. Just be nice, explain that if they are going to behave rude and mean that you’ll have to disconnect and if they continue, say bye with a smile on your face and hang up.
Forgive Yourself
Being in debt is the worst guilt trip you can be on. People feel shame, and pain like I did and feel like failures and losers. I felt that way.
Most money problems occur as the result of things that are beyond our control. Maybe the economy goes bad and your business fails, you lose your job, the factory closes, you got sick, your spouse left you, etc.
You need to be able to forgive yourself and instead of facing backwards trying to repair the past, you need to turn around, look forward and set your sights on repairing the future. The best way you can do that is to take a good honest look at what happened to you, almost like a financial autopsy, and learn from what you see.
When you are deep in debt you can be a loser or you can forgive yourself and move forward. I sure wish someone had shared that tip with me when I spent three years in a monochrome funk after my bankruptcy.
So here is my gift to you right now. If you are in debt and feeling like the world is closing in, just know that I love and care about you and if I was there with you I’d give you a big hug.
Steve
Anne Writes In “I Am Going Crazy With Worry”
Anne wrote me through the GetOutofDebt.org site and asked for help. You can write me also and ask for help.
Anne says “I have a large debt load and I am unable to make the payments. I have been on short term disability for eight weeks which has made an already difficult time even worse.
Some of the creditors have already sent the debt to collection agencies. I own my own home and at this point I have only kept up the mortgage payment and utilities. I am going crazy with worry. I have not paid up my oil bill from last winter and will soon need oil. There is little equity in the house so remortgaging is not an option. I have it up for sale.
Please tell me if there is any hope of getting out of this mess without going bankrupt.”
Anne,
I wish I was there to wrap my arms around you and give you a big bear hug. These are difficult times and now with your heavy financial worries, it makes the entire situation so stressful. But don’t worry, you are a good person, just in a bad situation. You are not a failure.
Your situation sounds so common, an unexpected reduction in income leads to a snowball of growing debt that is or seems unserviceable. In your case your medical situation has thrown you under the bus but that’s not what really caused the tipping point, is it?
Your situation has been brewing for some time, especially with a not fully paid oil bill from last winter. I suspect that you’ve been just making ends meet before the recent disability. The disability just amplified the fact that you had no financial reserves to weather the debt storm. That doesn’t make you a bad person, just more typical than people believe.
Seeing how there is little equity in the house, isn’t a bad thing in this situation. If there was more equity in the home and you did borrow against it, the chances are that it would just stall dealing with the underlying issues.
My priorities for you are a roof over your head and oil in the furnace first. While bankruptcy won’t make magic money appear in your bank account now, it will when you get back to work and off disability. That money you can use to get the bill paid up and prepare to face a cold and expensive winter. Fuel bills will be much higher this year, than last.
Some might offer advice that this is a short term event and that you will emerge out of in your disability at some point in the future and that then you can regroup and deal with the past due debt. You could but my honest and from the heart opinion would be that would be a waste of time and do nothing to reduce your fear and stress levels.
Worry and stress do nothing to help you recover from your disability. The fear of debt and uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring can create an emotional situation that is almost unbearable. And for some, it is unbearable, and they kill themselves.
There is little anyone can say to snap you out of the mental anguish of debt worry. The fact that you are worrying about it just tells me that is the type of person that you are. Some internalize more than others. Some never let issues like this worry them and I wish I was one of those people at times in my life.
The only thing that will stop the collection agencies, protect your house, and eliminate the worry is going to be nothing less than bankruptcy. Based on what you have told me and what my years of experience tell me, bankruptcy is the most logical solution that will address all of your issues and allow you the best chance of recovery.
But don’t decide right now that bankruptcy is for you, go talk to a bankruptcy attorney in your area. You can find a bankruptcy lawyer here.
Bankruptcy comes with baggage as well. It is the emotional baggage that “I failed”. I lived through that. I felt like an utter failure when I went bankrupt but don’t let those emotions stand in your way of doing the responsible thing here, going bankrupt.
Feelings of failure will not keep the roof over your head nor will they fire the furnace this winter. Based on your situation, bankruptcy is the most responsible path to follow at the moment. If you feel you need to go back and repay your creditors after bankruptcy, you can.
Big hug.
Steve
