Question:
Dear Steve,
My fiance is a 100 percent disabled veteran with a lot of debt truck, house, four-wheeler, the lawnmower.
He wants a new hot tub, to fix the driveway, and much more.
I’m concerned for him and us as a couple. How can we ever dig out?
Pam
Answer:
Dear Pam,
It’s interesting how such a simple situation can be so layered and difficult.
One rule that many don’t understand is that debt is never the problem. It’s the symptom of the underlying issues that create the problem.
I have no idea if your fiancé is suffering from PTSD or some other traumatic situation that led to his current disabled status. But if so, that helps to put things into more focus.
I would not be surprised to find out that he is using spending as a distraction or a way to help find some excitement or perceived happiness.
It is not unusual for people to use buying things as a medication for other issues going on in life.
Again, I’m not saying that is what is happening in your particular situation, but it is a situation I’ve seen.
It is not unusual in relationships for savers to attract spenders. Opposites do attract. The issue with this when it gets out of balance is spending calms, one person, down but stresses the other person out. We each have our own money personality and you can discover yours here.
You didn’t mention what his income situation is but it sounds like the debt concerns you.
Dealing with the debt is technically easy but emotionally hard. Given only what you’ve shared, all of this seems to be his debt. If that’s the case he could file for bankruptcy, discharge all of his debt and turn back in some of the things.
This would give you a clean slate to start your married life with.
But until you can understand what it is that drives his spending and be aware of the differences in your individual money personalities, the underlying issues can create strife and stress in your relationship.
I would highly recommend that you have a conversation with Michael Bovee or Damon Day and discuss your financial situation in detail. Both of those debt coaches can give you some more clarity and help you to see the situation for what it is.
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