“Dear Steve,
I, we are very close to your situation, after over a year of unemployment, my wife working for pennies at a christian school and me – the bread winner, an IT system admin, 3 degrees two in engineering and one in IT, we finally had to contact an attorney today because the creditors would not work with us in any fashion.
We do feel at the end of our rope and with the bank loan modification currently being looked at by BofA I am not sure now they will even let us stay in our home. I am very depressed and have had thoughts of suicide with the vehicle we owe on, thus ending the miserable nightmare that has occurred over the last 4 years.
My wife and I had perfect credit her score of 780 and mine of 750, now we could not even fly home in an emergency. Feel like I am at the end of my career being 48 and out of work this long. Please tell me there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Tim ”
Dear Tim,
When I was living through my financial nightmare I couldn’t see any hope either. But the big point was, not seeing any hope did not mean there wasn’t hope. The irony in my life is that by living through that pain I was able to turn around and help many people, including you. At the time I could see no purpose for the depression and anguish but life proved me wrong.
Suicide feels like an escape but it doesn’t solve the problem, just changes the equation. If you decided to kill yourself, how does that help your wife? It only adds to her pain, it only makes the problem worse.
Let’s look at this situation in stages. It’s actually not one big problem but two smaller ones. The first problem, the debt, can be addressed with the bankruptcy. Going bankrupt will give you a fresh start and close the door on the old debt. The second problem is employment.
Tim, I don’t know what part of the country you live in but I’m sure you have temporary employment companies in your area or at least nearby. Go and register with them, all of them, and take every job they can give you. I don’t care if you have to answer the phones or get people coffee, getting out and busy will be a blessing. I did that and worked some temp jobs I hated but it lead me to new opportunity. I went from being broke, depressed, and bankrupt to temp job to full time employment. Activity breads opportunity.
Now that course can get you in the right place for people to see you work but to be interested in you they need to see you shine. That means you are going to have to come to terms with the hand life has dealt you, accept it, and move on.
The reality is that you might actually be out of IT, maybe for good. Moving forward you might have a totally new life, a new career. Who knows, maybe you’ll take an unexpected turn as another guy I know who went from being laid off from office worker to working at an equipment rental company and he’s now the manager at that company. He loves it and finds it so much more satisfying that sitting in an office.
The longer you are bitter and angry at the path your life took, the longer you are going to be without hope and transition. Life owes you nothing, not even your next breath.
This might not make sense to you right now but embrace your bankruptcy. Bankruptcy is going to give you a fresh start and new opportunities. I didn’t enjoy going through bankruptcy but in the end it changed my life for the better and it can do the same for you also.
You had good credit at one time, so what. Credit is easy to rebuild and you can have a good score again. What can’t be resurrected is all the time wasted in hopelessness, sadness and not taking action.
The tunnel in front of you might be dark and without light but only you can turn on the light and find your way out by accepting your situation, taking action to make it different, and go get busy. The three key steps to getting out of debt are acceptance, action and kindness.
Acceptance – To accept the situation is what it is and rather than be in denial and wishing for something different. See it clearly and deal with it.
Action – Make the difficult decisions necessary to eliminate your debt that will lead to a better future.
Kindness – Even in times of pain we need to give and receive hugs, kindness, and love. We need to lean on each other and remember there is always something to be grateful for every single day.
You are not alone. I'm here to help. There is no need to suffer in silence. We can get through this. Tomorrow can be better than today. Don't give up.
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