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I Suffered From Multiple Nervous Breakdowns and Attempted Suicide. I Just Want to Be Happy. – Kanda

By on June 8, 2010
I Suffered From Multiple Nervous Breakdowns and Attempted Suicide. I Just Want to Be Happy. – Kanda

“Dear Steve,

I graduated from high school in 2005. My parents wanted me to go to college so I did. I suffered from multiple nervous breakdowns and attempted suicide I hated school so much and I was close to dropping out but my parents really wanted me to get the degree so I kept at it.

Truthfully I have just wanted to be an artist and musician my whole life. I don’t own a car or a tv or anything fancy. I sew my own clothes and sleep in a small 1 bed apt studio. I have worked outside of 20 plus credits a term to pay for things like electricity and food but still cant make it.

My debt is around 45,000 and will just climb with interest. My parents don’t care at all and they just want me to work a full time job at some disgusting and depressing office. I feel like committing suicide. All I want to do is be in nature and write music.

I barely spend any money, I buy almost nothing, and haven’t bought much of anything the past couple years. There is no way I can survive working in an office being scrunched up and completely depressed trying to get by.

I am getting my degree now and while I have an education and can see past capitalism, I am still an indentured slave. I plan on living in the cheapest apt I can find around- something under 200 a month. And probably growing my own food, if I can find a plot somewhere to do so. I don’t think I can afford shoes anymore, the two pairs I have now have complete holes in the soles and it hurts to walk.

This is my parents fault, I never wanted to be here, I am thinking of finding a way to leave the country. I have sold many of my possessions.

We already bailed out the banks once, the jobs that would be manageable for me to work for are not hiring in my area, I have no money to move anywhere else to get hired. I want to help others but I can’t barely stay alive.

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School is abusive and theres no way I am going to continue my life with this abuse. I have been planning on starting my own business since highschool but parents made me go to college ( took out loans under my name….) I wish I could take back the last 5 years as it completely wasn’t worth it.

There’s no way I can mentally survive working in an office or corporation, I already did that and it was torture. additionally, my degree is worthless as it has nothing to do with what I want to do. I heard congress was starting to create a bill that would discharge ALL student debt, private or not.

The 5 years I was in school I had no friends or family around really because I was trying to get good grades to please them, what a mistake. I am trying not to be afraid, and continue loving others and being hopeful, but I feel so tired. I seriously just want to be with a good friend in the woods for a while and just play music.

I don’t care about cars or rush hour or office politics or random accounting forms or banks or any of that. I just want my time to myself, and to not be a slave. Thats the only thing school taught me and its not worth a lifetime of debt to never start a business…

Is there a way I can do what I want to do ( just be a musician) and find a way to get rid of my school debt completely ( I live on nothing as it is and most musicians don’t make any money….)1

Kanda”

Dear Kanda,

If you have government backed student loans you can look at the Income Based Repayment (IBR) plan to repay your debt. Once you make 20-25 years worth of partial payments the remainder will be forgiven.

I’m sorry you feel like school was a total waste and torture. It’s simply not for everybody. But since you’ve made it this far, even if you never plan to use your degree for anything, finish it now. Otherwise you’ll have all the debt and nothing to show for it.

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Once you graduate, go live on a commune for a while. There are many wonderful communes around the world and maybe you can find one through the Fellowship of International Community that will suit your life.

I totally get the idea that working in a cubicle is murderous. That’s why I don’t do it.

Please update me on your progress by posting updates here in the comments section of your question. I’m very interested in how this works out for you.

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About Steve Rhode

Steve Rhode is the Get Out of Debt Guy and has been helping good people with bad debt problems since 1994. You can learn more about Steve, here.

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