What This Episode Covers
In this episode, Steve Rhode and Damon Day confront the real reason most people stay stuck in debt: fear and shame, not a lack of money or options. If you’ve run the numbers, understand your choices, and still haven’t acted, this conversation is for you.
Why Aren’t You Taking Action on Your Debt?
Steve opens with an observation from his free tools at getoutofdebt.org: the tools people use most are reactive ones like the wage garnishment calculator and statute of limitations lookup. The proactive tools — the contract decoder, the scamometer — get far less traffic. The pattern is clear: people wait until the crisis hits before acting.
“The thing stopping you isn’t the debt,” Steve says. “It’s not even the solutions, it’s not even the money. It’s something deeper. A fear that you might not be able to name. Today, we’re gonna name it, because once you can see it clearly, it starts to lose its power.”
Is Your Credit Card Debt Actually Your Fault?
Damon highlights a key statistic: 73% of credit card debt comes from essentials — groceries, gas, car repairs — not from luxury spending. With $1.2 trillion in total credit card debt, most people aren’t overspending. They’re trying to maintain a basic lifestyle in an increasingly expensive economy.
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“You’re not really increasing your lifestyle,” Damon explains. “You’re just trying to maintain a lifestyle in an increasingly expensive world.”
This matters because the shame people feel about their debt is often based on a false premise — that they did something wrong. In many cases, the math simply stopped working.
What Happens When You Hide Debt From Your Spouse?
Steve shares one of the most impactful stories from his decades of helping people: a man whose fiance of seven years gave him an ultimatum — get married or she leaves. He couldn’t propose because he was too ashamed of his financial situation. She left. The very outcome he feared happened because of his avoidance.
Damon, who works with clients hiding debt from spouses regularly, offers practical wisdom: “They’re going to find out about it eventually. The longer you wait, the bigger the problem is typically going to get.”
Both agree: approach your partner with a plan, not just a problem. Talk to someone like Damon first, develop a strategy, then have the conversation. Things will be frosty for a few days, but a plan makes all the difference.
Should You Protect Your Credit Score or Fix Your Debt?
Credit score fear is the single biggest reason people refuse to act, according to Damon. But here’s what he sees in practice: 99% of the time, when he breaks down the math — what the credit score is actually being used for versus the cost of inaction — clients realize the score isn’t worth protecting at the expense of their financial future.
“You’ve been trying to protect this credit score for years,” Damon says. “Refuse to take any action other than ‘I’m going to keep paying.’ And you get further in debt, further in debt. It will make you sick when you finally add up how much money you’ve spent ‘protecting’ your credit score.”
This doesn’t mean credit scores never matter. If you’re about to lease a car or move apartments, timing matters. The key is building a plan around your real circumstances, not making blanket decisions based on fear of a number.
How to Handle Debt Collectors Without Fear
Steve shares his personal approach from when he was in debt before his 1990 bankruptcy: he started treating debt collectors like people. He’d answer calls, be honest about his situation, and even swap recipes. When he founded his debt counseling organization in 1994, those same collectors became valuable contacts.
The practical takeaway: never agree to a payment you can’t afford. Damon sees clients get worn down by collector pressure, agree to payments they can’t make, and end up in worse positions. It’s far better to say “I can’t pay that” honestly than to make a promise you’ll break.
The Debt Confessional Returns
Steve announces he’s bringing back the Debt Confessional — a tool he originally created 20 years ago where people could anonymously share their debt fears and shame. The original version helped people feel less alone, and the updated version will be available at getoutofdebt.org.
Your Assignment This Week
Steve closes with a direct challenge: Write down your fear. Not the excuse you tell others, but the thing that actually keeps you up at night. Then write one sentence about why that fear might be less powerful than you think.
Fear is a liar. It tells you that avoiding action keeps you safe, but you’re not safe. You’re stuck. The way out is through.— Steve Rhode
This Show Is For You
The Get Out of Debt Guy Show drops every Thursday. Steve Rhode brings 30+ years of experience in the debt industry — including filing bankruptcy himself in 1990 and founding a credit counseling organization. Damon Day offers free strategy calls at DamonDay.com. If you’re earning good money but drowning in debt, this is the podcast that gives you all your options without judgment.
Resources Mentioned
- Free debt tools: GetOutOfDebt.org — Contract Decoder, Scamometer, Wage Garnishment Calculator, Statute of Limitations Calculator
- Free strategy call: DamonDay.com
- 73% of credit card debt is from essentials: Read the article
Dealing With Debt? Understanding your options is the first step. See how all your debt relief options compare — including ones most sites won’t tell you about. The Find Your Path quiz gives a recommendation based on your actual numbers, and the Scam-O-Meter checks any company’s complaint history before you sign. Federal Reserve research shows bankruptcy filers recover faster than those who don’t file.
Free Tool — Wage Garnishment Calculator: Worried about your paycheck being seized? The free Wage Garnishment Calculator shows exactly how much creditors can legally take in your state — and some states prohibit garnishment entirely. Calculate My Risk →
Key Takeaways
- 73% of credit card debt comes from essentials like groceries, gas, and car repairs — not luxury overspending
- Fear of admitting debt to a spouse destroyed a 7-year relationship when the man couldn't propose due to financial shame
- 99% of clients who worry about their credit score realize it's not worth protecting once they see the actual cost of inaction
- Corporations are applauded for filing bankruptcy while individuals are shamed — it's the same math problem with different stigma
- Never agree to a debt collector payment you can't afford — an honest 'I can't pay that' is better than a broken promise
- Check your local county recorder of deeds for free property fraud alerts instead of paying for title lock services
- Approach your spouse with a plan, not just a problem — talk to a strategist like Damon Day first, then have the conversation
Free Tool — Statute of Limitations Checker: Dealing with old debt? The free Statute of Limitations Checker tells you if the collection clock has expired in your state — including the zombie debt and clock-restarting traps collectors use. Check My Status →
Full Transcript
Click to expand transcript
Episode Introduction
Steve Rhode: Back with the Get Out of Debt Guy, I’m Steve Rhode, the old original authentic, aged bald Get Out of Debt Guy. And with me, as always, is Damon Day, the new fresh, sweet-smelling Get Out of Debt Guy.
Damon Day: Although I have evidence, I have seen a photo of Steve with hair. He just had it all going on, and then he just said, nope, I’m done with hair.
Steve Rhode: No, what happened was God said to me, no more head hair for you, but all the ear hair you want.
Why Haven’t You Taken Action on Your Debt?
Steve Rhode: You’ve listened to our episodes, you’ve run the numbers, you’ve written down numbers, and you understand your options. So why haven’t you done anything yet? Here’s what I’ve learned over the years in the debt relief area. The thing stopping you isn’t the debt. It’s not even the solutions, it’s not even the money. Let’s be honest, it’s something deeper. A fear that you might not be able to name it. Today, we’re gonna name it, because once you can see it clearly, it starts to lose its power.
Steve Rhode: The only thing that I’ve observed this week — I have all these free tools on the getoutofdebt.org website, and it’s been interesting that the tools that allow people to assess situations before they get into it, like the contract decoder or the scamometer, people don’t use as much. The wage garnishment calculator, the statute of limitations calculator — it just reinforces the fact that people take action once it’s hit the fan and not proactively.
News: 73% of Credit Card Debt Is From Essentials
Damon Day: There was an article you wrote last month. The headline is 73% of credit card debt is from essentials, not overspending. And the article talks about the $1.2 trillion credit card debt, and the fact that most of that is not because people are just really taking vacations and going out to eat 50 times a week. It’s that just life in America has gotten so expensive that people have had no choice but to put this stuff on cards for groceries and gas and car repairs.
Damon Day: I think it’s important to keep mentioning, because it’s going to tie into what we’re talking about today — the fear and the shame, and “I’m a failure and I have this debt.” A lot of it is not because you’re just out there overspending. It’s just this inflation and the fact that your dollar is going less and less. You’re not really increasing your lifestyle. You’re just trying to maintain a lifestyle in an increasingly expensive world.
Steve Rhode: People who find themselves sliding into problem debt are waking up with that fear and shame one morning and they are not bad people. This stuff happens. And I think the biggest tragedy is not that someone finds themselves in trouble — you don’t judge people, I don’t judge people. You’ve been there, I’ve been there. The biggest tragedy is saying, I’m going to deal with this tomorrow.
News: Home Sold Without Owner Knowing — Deed Fraud
Steve Rhode: Home sold without owner knowing. Three arrested. The National Association of Realtors said that 63% of real estate professionals reported awareness of deed and title fraud in their markets within the past year. And the FBI does warn that quick claim deed fraud is on the rise.
Steve Rhode: Another thing I discovered is that your local county where deeds are recorded might offer a service that allows you to have a notification if something is recorded against your property. Rather than pay for something, you can just go and get it for free. Check your local county recorder of deeds.
News: Rent-a-Tribe Payday Loans — 700% APR
Damon Day: So this article was a lender sued under RICO for alleged rent-a-tribe payday scheme with 700% APR. This is talking about those horrible tribal loans where the tribes are not subject to the same rules and regulations that non-tribal lenders are subject to. So what these lenders apparently are doing is renting a tribe — “let’s partner up, we’ll do all of our lending through you guys, you don’t have to do anything, but we’ll break you off a piece and then we’ll start charging rates that we could not charge if we didn’t rent you guys.”
Steve Rhode: If you’re in a spot where you feel like your cash flow is so bad that you’re figuring, “I’m just gonna get this loan” — everybody that gets these loans knows they’re bad, but they somehow get themselves in a spot mentally where they feel like, “I know that’s bad, but I just need this cash.” It will just bleed your cash flow until you either go bankrupt or you stop paying them.
Damon Day: Just call me first. There’s gonna be some other options that we can probably look at that don’t involve you signing up for something that’s three, four, five, six hundred percent interest rate.
News: Honda Repo Agents Towed Car With Mom and Child Inside
Steve Rhode: Honda repo agents towed car with mom and child inside. American Honda Finance had the loan, subcontracted out to another company who subcontracted out to another company called Nine Second Recovery. And boy, did they live up to their name.
Steve Rhode: This mother drove home in her Honda Pilot, parked at her home, dropped her son off and then backed into the street while waiting for him to move his bicycle. A spotter for the repo company drove into her driveway and blocked her from reentering. Then a second agent arrived in a tow truck, hooked up and lifted the occupied vehicle with the woman and her daughter inside.
Damon Day: This should be jail time. You can imagine the mother in that situation. She can’t get out of the car, her daughter’s in there and now she’s getting pulled away. The kid’s stuck out front as the mom gets towed away with the sister.
Steve Rhode: When repo agents hook a car with a mother and child inside and keep going after she says stop, that’s not debt collection. That’s recklessness and the law is clear.
Fear and Shame: Why People Stay Stuck in Debt
Steve Rhode: If you feel like you’re earning good money, have a high income, the only thing that’s different between you and somebody who’s just getting by is you have enough income that you’re able to string it out further and get yourself in deeper. And so you often don’t reach out for help before the numbers are really, really big.
Steve Rhode: So the fear is if I admit this is real, I have to admit I’m a failure. You’re not a damn failure. You’re just somebody that got yourself in a situation oftentimes for reasons beyond your control. A corporation that finds themselves in these situations is applauded for doing the right thing and stepping up and taking action. And people, individuals, are — you got the Dave Ramseys of the world and others that try to spread fear and shame and somehow that’s a moral failure. It’s not.
The Dave Ramsey Client Story
Damon Day: Remind me before this podcast is over, I got to share the client’s Dave Ramsey story from last night. He was talking about different options and I mentioned looking at Ramsey’s solution. And he’s like, “Oh, I know how you guys feel about Dave Ramsey’s strategy. I’ve been listening to you guys for a long time.” He goes, “I’ve been trying that for four years and it’s not working. I need a different strategy.”
Damon Day: He goes, “I even did the whole get a roommate.” And he goes, “You know what happened when I got a roommate? The guy wasn’t paying his rent, so it made it worse. It took me four months to finally get him out. I just turned into a debt collector overnight because I got this guy living in my house that’s never paying his rent on time.”
Steve Rhode: If you launch into a program like that and then you find yourself not being able to succeed, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It just means that solution wasn’t right for your situation.
The Hidden Debt That Destroyed a Relationship
Steve Rhode: Over the years, all my decades of helping people, it’s always been the hidden fear and shame of admitting what your financial situation really is. The biggest case that comes to mind is a guy I worked with decades ago who said to me, “Steve, my fiance of seven years said to me, unless we get married, I’m going to leave. And the only reason I haven’t asked her to marry me is because I’m so ashamed about my finances.” And he said, she left. He just couldn’t talk to her about it.
Damon Day: The thing that you’re doing to try to avoid the thing that you’re afraid will happen ends up happening anyway, and it’s worse.
Steve Rhode: Whoever is hiding the debt, if you can come up with a plan — talk to Damon, come up with a strategy and a plan, and then go sit down and have that talk with your spouse. Things will be frosty for a little bit, but it is so much better to approach the other person with a plan than just a problem.
Damon Day: You are not the only person out there who has a financial issue that their spouse is not aware of. It’s actually fairly common. They’re going to find out about it eventually. The longer you wait, the bigger the problem is typically going to get. It’s much better that they find out when you go to them with, “Here’s what’s going on, here’s why it’s going on, and here is my plan to fix it.”
Don’t Let Credit Score Fear Paralyze You
Damon Day: Everybody’s afraid of the credit score. That’s the biggest one.
Steve Rhode: The reality is, let’s fix it and your credit score can be rehabbed pretty quickly. Break it down with pros and cons. Different options, how would this option affect my score? How much money will I save? How much is it gonna cost me? Protecting your credit score in the short term is definitely not the be-all and end-all.
Damon Day: 99% of the time when somebody tells me “what about my credit score?” — we talk about what they’re planning on using their credit score for the next few years, we look at the opportunity costs, and 99% of the time they go, “Oh yeah, my credit score is not worth that much.”
Damon Day: Most of the time, you trying to protect this number has made your situation worse. You’ve been trying to protect this credit score for years. Refuse to take any action other than “I’m going to keep paying.” And you get further in debt, further in debt. It will make you sick when you finally sit down and add up how much money you’ve spent “protecting” your credit score that’s done nothing for you but allowed you to get more personal consolidation loans and get deeper into debt.
Dealing With Debt Collectors
Steve Rhode: Some people would rather stay in debt forever than deal with collection calls. They’re afraid of the collector. The anxiety and the fear and the stress, it’s real. I get it. I was there at one point. You were too. But what are you really afraid of? You’re afraid of the unknown. So let’s educate you about it and make it known.
Steve Rhode: When collectors started calling me, I realized — why don’t I just try to make the debt collector my friend? It got to the point where the debt collector would call and we would swap recipes. I’d start the call off with, “Hey Jim, no, I still can’t pay, but how’s your day going?” After I started helping people with debt in 1994, I would call back those old collectors for advice.
Damon Day: Most collectors are good people. They’re just doing their job. If you’re nice to them, they will be nice to you. The biggest mistake you can make is to agree to a payment you cannot afford to make. It’s much better to say the truth — “No, I can’t make that payment” — than to promise something and not make it, because that’ll just be used against you.
The Debt Confessional Is Coming Back
Steve Rhode: I used to have 20 years ago on the website this thing called the Debt Confession, where people could come and get it off their chest. Talk about their debt shame and fear that they were afraid to admit to anybody else. And people said it really helped them feel better. So just dealing with your debt, whether it’s coming to the Debt Confessional which will be on the getoutofdebt.org site, is real. And talking to somebody like Damon and coming up with a real plan is real. And it is actionable. And it will make your life better today.
Your Assignment & Next Week Preview
Steve Rhode: Next week, we tackle the hardest conversation many of us will ever have. We’re going to talk more about when your spouse doesn’t know. Here’s how to tell them. We’ll give you the exact scripts, timing, advice, and strategies for making this conversation go as well as possible.
Steve Rhode: Your assignment: Write down your fear. The real one. Not the excuse you tell others, but the thing that actually keeps you up at night. Then write one sentence about why that fear might be less powerful than you think. Keep that paper somewhere you can see it. Fear is a liar. It tells you that avoiding action keeps you safe, but you’re not safe. You’re stuck. The way out is through. We will see you next Thursday. You’ve got this. I believe in you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do people stay stuck in debt even when they know their options?
According to Steve Rhode, the main barrier is fear and shame, not lack of money or information. People fear being judged, fear the impact on their credit score, and fear admitting the problem to their spouse. Naming and confronting these specific fears is the first step to breaking free.
Is most credit card debt from overspending?
No. Research shows 73% of credit card debt comes from essentials like groceries, gas, and car repairs. With $1.2 trillion in total credit card debt, most people aren't living extravagantly — they're struggling to maintain a basic lifestyle in an increasingly expensive economy.
Should I protect my credit score or deal with my debt?
Damon Day says 99% of clients realize their credit score isn't worth protecting once they see the math. Spending years making minimum payments to preserve a score often costs far more in the long run. In some cases timing matters (like before a lease), but a personalized plan can account for that.
How should I tell my spouse about hidden debt?
Steve and Damon recommend developing a plan before having the conversation. Talk to a debt strategist first, create a concrete strategy, then approach your spouse with both the problem and the solution. Things may be frosty for a few days, but it's far better than them finding out from a debt collector.
How do I handle calls from debt collectors?
Steve Rhode recommends being honest and treating collectors as people. The biggest mistake is agreeing to a payment you can't afford just to get off the phone. Say 'I can't pay that' honestly rather than making a promise you'll break, which can be used against you.
What is the Debt Confessional on GetOutOfDebt.org?
The Debt Confessional is a tool Steve Rhode originally created 20 years ago where people can anonymously share their debt fears and shame. It's being relaunched on getoutofdebt.org as a way to help people feel less alone and take the first step toward dealing with their financial situation.
When does the Get Out of Debt Guy podcast release new episodes?
New episodes drop every Thursday. The show is hosted by Steve Rhode (the original Get Out of Debt Guy) and Damon Day. For a free strategy call, visit DamonDay.com.
