In searching for material for my next video project, I stumbled across a video that literally, made me do a triple take. A YouTube user preaching to viewers ways to save and budget money.
Some of his advice had merit but there was one part that made me question out loud: “Did he REALLY just say that?”
Rewind. Really??? Rewind. Really…
The mentioned clip can be seen below.
“It’s not a wise move to marry into [debt].” This quote makes me sick.
Which, kind viewers, brings me to my topic of consideration today! Marrying into debt. How bad is it? Is it worth leaving a partner because of debt?
From experience I can tell you, dating, living and/or marrying someone with large amounts of debt is no walk in the park. Debt in general, rarely is. Their monthly obligations to previous debt has an impact on your household and lifestyle. After all, if they are shelling out a good chunk of their paycheck to pay for their past purchases that is obviously less money they will be contributing to the household.
In my past, I have left a significant other because they had a lot of debt. That being said, I did not leave them because they had debt, I left them because they were lazy and ignoring their debt. I repeat, I did not leave because they had debt, I left because they were LAZY.
I will never judge someone because of their debt. I will, however, judge someone on their laziness. Laziness is free game. Laziness reeks of failure.
There’s a big difference between co-habitating with or marrying someone who has a lot of debt and someone who is lazy. I would never turn my back on love because someone had debt and I don’t think anyone should. However, I will run for the hills from someone who is lazy and not proactive about their debt. This is not only going to effect a household monetarily but I have learned that if someone doesn’t care enough of their own debt and obligations they are certainly not going to be able to provide a desirable lifestyle and support system for a unit.
The vlogger above quoted from the book The Millionaire Next Door. “Your average millionaire married well, had a wife who was frugal, had a wife who worked…” I could not find any quotes or stats similar to what the vlogger suggested.
Yet again this vlogger had be “really??”ing for a good ten minutes.
The author does state, “Most people will never become wealthy in one generation if they are married to people who are wasteful. A couple cannot accumulate wealth if one of its members is a hyperconsumer.” – Source
I agree with this. Marrying someone with debt and a spending addiction will not be easy. However, instead of dumping them off at the curb with last week’s garbage, why not work with them to help them cure their addiction? Is that not love?
David Schramm, a research associate of Utah State University studied 1,010 newlywed couples and found that “most adults–67 percent of women, 74 percent of men–enter marriage with at least some debt. Of those with debt, about half owe more than $5,000, primarily from auto loans, credit cards, student loans and medical bills.” – Source
Debt happens. Most adults owe some sort of debt. This should not be a relationship deal breaker. However, not being openly honest about debt can be. Keeping secrets in a committed long-term relationship never ends well. Financial infidelity often leads to as much heartache and strain as physical or emotional infidelity.
Thumbs up for Steve Rhode in a wig!
Perhaps next week, maybe we’ll focus on another segment from this vlogger…
Or perhaps I’ll sit here with my head in my hands despairingly whispering, “really??”