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Home > Ask The Get Out of Debt Experts > My Heart is Broken and I’m Scared of the World. – Sandrda

My Heart is Broken and I’m Scared of the World. – Sandrda

“Dear Steve,

3 years ago I got involved with a man who was going through a divorce. He was charming, friendly, and giving of all his energy and time. His story was that his wife had a drug problem and was a heavy drinker and that he thought she was cheating on him.

I had sustained a head injury 3 years prior so was on disability and received child support and supporting my 3 children through university. He was in financial stress so I lent him my line of credit with a limit of 20,000.00. He was greatful and promised to pay me back. He said he just need a few hundred dollars.

Well, before long there was 12,000 plus racked up on it!! By that time I was at his mercy. So I stayed and believed things would get better for him. That the divorce would go through and he would be back working with his construction business.

After a few months I with the help of my children and others the bigger picture was seen. He had done this to other people.

Through tons of counselling to help me through the anger I had at myself for doing this to my children and not seeing what was coming I stayed in this relationship knowing all I wanted was out. By this time there was 18,000.00 on the card. It appeared like things were getting better, the divorce looked like it would go through etc.

Well, 3 years later and almost 40,000 dollars in helping him get on his feet including a truck in my name and my loan so he could haul the equipment (by the way equipment that he said he did’ not have but hid! so his ex couldn’t have it) and I found out that he basically did all this to avoid alimony, and he played with his only teens mind to hate her mother so she would not go there and he would have to pay child support than.

I found out that she doesn’t have a drug problem nor a drinking problem but left cause she couldn’t live with the subtle abuse anymore. So he owes 20,000 which I put in a loan that is 264 a month for 10 years. And 13,000 on one credit card. And 7,000 on another credit card.

And now that he no longer needs me as he now is able to get his own truck (oh and he put 3 accidents on the truck and it is no longer even close to the loan of 23,000) and doesn’t need me.

I watched how he works the legal system. I have nothing in writing. It’s al just a horrible night mare. I was never in debt in my life. My credit was awesome and now is ruined. I can’t keep up with the credit card interest payments and the monthly loan. What can I do??


Dear Sandrda,

I’m so sorry you got swindled by a conman. I’m positive the emotional turmoil must be tremendous. I’m so glad you’ve sought help with the anger and other emotional wreckage this person has caused. I don’t want you to be scared anymore of this debt.

I’d love to tell you this is the first time I’ve had people tell me a similar story, but it’s not. I’m sure by now you’ve learned this is a fairly typical con and I’ve seen more women the targets of the con than men, but it goes both ways.

All the people that have been the targets of this scam all express similar emotional baggage following their financial crash. They tend to feel scared, stupid, victimized, like idiots, angry, violated, and well, you know.

There is nothing I can say that will alter the past situation except that whoever this person is has taught you a huge lesson in what not to do. You can turn that into a positive life altering education for others if you take what you learn from that and use it to counsel and advise other people facing a similar situation. No sense wasting a perfectly good mistake I always say.

Without knowing more about your personal situation I feel comfortable in assuming your residual debt is more than you can handle. You most likely allowed him to enter into this debt because he assured you he was going to be responsible for it, not you. And now that you are it is most likely more than you can financially handle.

Depending on what kind of assets or equity that you might have I think the first and most logical approach to this is a consumer bankruptcy. Not only would a bankruptcy allow you to discharge this unmanageable debt but it would also allow you to close the door on this and not have to deal with it every month. That would give you a better opportunity to recover emotionally from this moving forward.

Even though you feel silly for not recognizing the past situation as it unfolded, at least you can take a positive and proactive step towards dealing with the debt. Don’t let your debt victimize you also. You have the power and control to take action. I want you to take control. I believe you can do it.

I’m going to assign you some homework. I’d like for you to meet with a local bankruptcy attorney and discuss your situation with them. Then come back and post an update in the comments. If you want you can even click here to find a local bankruptcy attorney.

I’ll help you get through this. We can do it together.

And before you go, I think this article will give you some peace and insight to move forward.

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About Steve Rhode

Steve Rhode
Steve Rhode is the Get Out of Debt Guy and has been helping good people with bad debt problems since 1994. You can learn more about Steve, here.
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