“Dear Steve,
Here is the situation.
I have 50K of debt between credit cards and lines of credit and a 20k vehicle loan.
When I first met my fiancee, she asked about credit card debt, I was defensive about it so i just told her that i didn’t have any.
She knew I had a truck loan at the time. Then I sold a house and got 35k and spent the money on repaying some of my debt. she kept pressing me to pay off the vehicle instead so I told her that I did. So now I have the credit card debt and the truck loan and she thinks I have neither.
I have created a plan to slowly pay off the credit card debt and the vehicle loan is on monthly payments I always make.
I don’t know what to do, I never wanted to be in a position like this?
I feel if i tell her about all my debt it would crush her.
John”
Dear John,
It’s not the debt that would crush her, it’s your string of financial lies. Stop lying to her. If you truly love her, she deserves the honest truth from you about your situation. Otherwise there is no other way to look at the situation latter as an intentional deception and financial infidelity on your part.
And as much as you may want to keep this a secret, it can come out and the most inopportune time. At some point in the future you may apply for credit together and she may see your credit report and then what, an explosion.
I’ve watched good guys lose the love of their life simply because they were afraid to be open and honest about their financial situation. If you can be intimate in bed and with your love, you can be intimate about the reality of your debt.
My suggestion, order a copy of your consolidated credit report using this link. You’ll be able to print it out right away. Then, as difficult and uncomfortable as it might be for you, talk softly to her and tell her you have some important information that you want to share with her because you trust and love her and want her to be your wife, forever.
Then confess the truth and show her the credit report so she can see that you are telling her the full truth. Having a bottle of wine around to share during this conversation, doesn’t hurt.
A marriage or relationship built on truth is better than one set on a shifting pile of sand and lies.
Things might get frosty for a couple of weeks but in the end she will trust you more, respect you more and it will work out much better.
You are not alone. I'm here to help. There is no need to suffer in silence. We can get through this. Tomorrow can be better than today. Don't give up.
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You are going to have to tell her sooner or later. Just tell her you were afraid of losing her so you hid it from her at first, but you want to get your marriage off to a good start so this is what you owe. It’s not the end of the world that you have debt. Most people have car loans. I don’t see that as a big deal. Clear the air before you get married or it will come back to haunt you.
By the way, are you sure she has shown you everything? Maybe she’s got a few things you don’t know about.