I’ve Hidden My Debt From My Husband. I’m Afraid He is Going to Find Out. – Cheryl


“Dear Steve,

Well me and my husband have been going through some hard times lately and I have been using my credit cards unbenounced to him just to get by. I have over the last year and a half racked up about 4000 in credit.

I transferred all my credit cards to a 0% interest card for one year and I am slowly trying to pay it off. Heres my problem, my husband mentioned us refinancing our home. I know my credit debt will show up if we do that and there goes the end of my marriage!

My question is, is there anything I can do so the debt does not show up? I know I can pay it off, but it will just take me a while. Also we have good credit, am I blowing that by having this debt?


Dear Cheryl,

Ultimately the debt is not the underlying issue and problem here, the hiding the spending and using secret credit is the issue. I’m afraid the die was cast on that first day you could not repay what you owed, that month.

Over the years I’ve seen this same situation over and over again. I can tell you from experience that what typically happens is that an event releases the secret, the couple will have a stern discussion about the situation, the mood in the house may be chilly for a week, but soon, very soon, the couple starts talking together and comes up with a plan for how to deal with this.

There is no way to hide debt that is associated with your name and social security number. When the joint credit report is pulled, it will appear. But even if there was some magic way to hide it, that would not be wise for you to do.

Apparently you want to continue hiding the debt, but like almost any other substance abuser, you need to be outed to face the reality of your situation.

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Hiding debt from your spouse is never advisable or cool. If you are a couple and you can’t share this blemish, how strong is your relationship?

My advice, from experience, is for you to get a copy of your consolidated credit report today, sit down with your husband tomorrow, share the reality of what has happened and ask for his help and support so you can dig yourself out of this hole. Tell him what your plan is so he can see that you’re serious about this situation.

Your husband has a right to be mad, not because you ran up debt, but because you are not being honest with him and keeping this from him.

It’s time to do the adult thing here. Stand up, face the music, and accept the consequences of your actions. After you’ve done all of that I want you to remember how this situation made you feel and remember that feeling so you never do this ever again.


You are not alone. I'm here to help. There is no need to suffer in silence. We can get through this. Tomorrow can be better than today. Don't give up.

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