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My Mother Demands Parent PLUS Loan Payments But Will Not Share

Written by Steve Rhode


Dear Steve,

Back in 2010 my mother submitted for Parent PLUS loans for my sister and I. Half the amount for my sisters education, half for mine. Right now we are in the repayment process.

Both my sister and I did not finish our education and stopped when we realized the amount of the loans. So we do not have jobs for what we went to college for.

The bill for her Plus loan is $400 a month, now down to $250 a month (or so she says). I give my parents $200 a month and I assume my sister does also, since she is living with them and I am not. So recently I asked, since I am making payments on the loan as well, to see a bill.

Originally I was giving her $400 a month. $200 for the parent plus and $200 for my student loan. I found she was taking part of my student loan money and putting it on the plus loan instead of my student loan. I was able to confirm this by checking my account online. I stopped that by taking over my loan and paying for it myself. (When I took over my loan and told her I would stop paying $200 for mine but continue to pay the $200 for hers. She was persistent on letting her continue with payment control on my student loan and threatened she would pass over my Student Loan and the whole Parent Plus loan in my name and leave me to pay everything. Just because I wanted control of my own loan, but that’s a different story)

Now after months of asking she finally brings me a bill. When I see the bill, the name of the Financial institution is blacked out. She blacked out the date when the bill was released. So I don’t eve know if this was a recent bill or an older bill. She basically blacked out everything except the amount of each loan and even then it did not shows the total amount left.

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And she would not let me keep the copy of the bill. Her reasoning is that she doesn’t want her information floating around. That I will steal her SSN, which for the record is not even on the bill. What is making me angry is she is not willing to give me any information on this bill so I can plan financially, but is expecting me to blindly pay no questions asked.

I tried to reason with her asking her what she would do if she was in my spot. And she refuses to answer, dancing around the question. Attacking my personal life. Telling me why do I need to know. She keeps bring up the point that if I don’t pay that she will sue me.

Almost angry enough to tell her to try. I don’t have anything to my name anyways. Plus to my understanding going to court won’t work in her favor anyways. Supposedly she will get me a better copy of the bill but I cannot keep it. I’m just wearing thin being yanked around and feeling like I’m being lied to. It’s stressing me to the point of being physically ill. I cannot understand why they would try there hardest to keep it a secret from me. I feel as if they want to keep some kind of control over my life.

After this one last chance if they cannot produce a proper bill, should I stop paying, since it is legally not my responsibility? Or if I stop paying can they legally sue me for not paying since I have been these last couple of years?

Thank you for helping.



Dear Jessica,

Crap. So sorry you have to face that messed up situation from your own parent.

The threats she is sharing with you are just that, threats. The downside to a Parent PLUS loan is that the parent is 100 percent on the hook for the loan when the kids don’t pay. In this case that is advantageous for you.

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She also can’t have the loan transferred into your name. It’s her loan. You are not responsible to the bank, at all.

Thankfully you took over the management of the loan in your name. Smart!

It sure seems your Mom has a number of underlying issues which are driving her poor decision making. She’s not thinking clearly at all.

As screwed up as this situation already is, I’d suggest that you strongly consider just stopping payment until she can give you a clear accounting of how the payments are being applied, the balance of the loan, etc. It doesn’t sound like you have any confidence the payments you are being applied to the account while at the same time she is requiring you to take her accounting demands on face value.

If she decided to sue you over violating a verbal agreement you’ll have the opportunity to ask the court to provide you with the accounting you need to know how and when the payments are being applied on the loan.

I wish you luck in finding a peaceful way forward with a mother who is so upset over your very reasonable requests.


You are not alone. I'm here to help. There is no need to suffer in silence. We can get through this. Tomorrow can be better than today. Don't give up.

About the author

Steve Rhode

Steve Rhode is the Get Out of Debt Guy and has been helping good people with bad debt problems since 1994. You can learn more about Steve, here.

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