I’m the Victim of Emotional and Financial Abuse by My Husband



A victim of violence and economic abuse by my husband who I had sponsored for his visa.

At first, everything was lovely. Then he started using my credit card, making hour-long calls to relatives for £2 a minute, stealing money from my wallet, stealing my bank card and money from my bank account, forcing me to pay is visa and premium processing fees, demanding the child benefits go to his bank account, even when I had a job which provided lunch he started going out every day for lunch saying I was no better than him so if I got to eat lunch at work he could go out wherever he wanted.

In June 2017 my contract was ending and I was offered a job as a contractor but told I had to open a limited company. I was so tired and desperate I just did it. Then he demanded the company be named for him and our son. Then he demanded to be a shareholder and get monthly dividends. He demanded I pay him at least minimum wage for caring for our son and refused to let me put him in childcare!

He would dispose of my belongings while at work. He was constantly buying clothes and getting rid of clothes he no longer wanted. Any time I showed him a budget or tried to curb an expense it led to violence or threats of violence.

He was very careful for a long time. Eventually, he was convicted by the crown and he came right home and took money from my account to pay his fines.

Even the Home office suspected that he was forcing me to pay his nearly £5000 fees. They asked social services to investigate because he had a conviction for assaulting me. They did nothing.

Eventually, he got two more convictions. He was gone finally. But he broke bail convictions and was in my neighborhood. I was scared. He contacted every friend of mine he could to coerce and groom. I finished my contract and left the U.K.

I have £13000 business tax (which I thought I owed £7800) till yesterday and £9000 in the business account.

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About £9000 credit card debt which is almost entirely from his visa fees and high-interest rate. £8000 person tax.

I was managing till he took so much money from me and then once he was gone I was paying another £1300 a month for childcare. I have no idea where he is.

I had spoken to a bankruptcy consultant but it’s so expensive to file and now the Corp tax makes it impossible for a DRO which I thought I could do.

I have no assets. I have student loan debts where I live and hefty health care bills for my child and I related to the abuse.

I am fearful to disclose to anyone.

I really don’t know what to do. As it stands I am just getting by. The home office won’t refund any of the visa fees. I just don’t want to be a victim for years on end.

I had amazing credit in the UK until I got married. Even on one credit card app he completed it and put some incorrect info and they approved a £16000 credit line! I need advice. I mean if I declare bankruptcy and pay the fee from my business is that fraud???




I am going to try and answer your question(s), and give some advice, without asking you any additional questions, as I have a few, but I feel you have given enough information and shared what needs to be shared.

If you cannot afford to repay the debts and bills that are owed, personal and business, then bankruptcy does seem like a logical way forward, although student loans cannot be included in a UK bankruptcy. However, student loans in the UK do not need to be repaid now until you earn £25,000 a year or more, and then the payments are based on what you earn over that £25K threshold. You pay 9% of what you earn over the £25K.

So if your student loans are based in the UK, no worries.

You mention “health care bills” for a child. If you reside now in the UK, these should be covered by the NHS, or you may be eligible for certain benefits to take care of these and any ongoing treatments or medical cares.

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If you are outside the UK/EU, then these bills are a priority for continuing care, and hopefully, if you were to go bankrupt, you can afford the medical care.

To answer your one direct question, if you pay the bankruptcy fee from your business is that fraud.

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No, it is not fraud. It is your business, and anyone or any business can pay someone’s bankruptcy fees.

If you are living outside the UK and or EU, filing for bankruptcy is different, and there are rules for this, so we may need to rethink that depending on your circumstance. And yes, this can get expensive.

On another subject, there are charities here in the UK that aid victims of abuse, any abuse, including financial abuse. Unless your husband has UK Citizenship and has gone through naturalisation, or has a Leave of Indefinite Stay Visa, any act of violence or criminal charges will exempt him from being eligible for these, and he will not be able to remain on the UK.

If you have any more questions, please post them in the comments below, and I will answer them as best I can for you.



Damon Day - Pro Debt Coach

Jon Emge is an experienced UK debt advisor who has helped thousands and thousands of people in the UK to deal with problem debt. Jon specialises in finding good solutions for problem debt using a variety of UK specific techniques.

If you have a question you’d like to ask about how to get out of UK debt, just use the online form.

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