Ask The Get Out of Debt Experts Divorce

I Married a Sadistic Sociopath and Now Left With Nothing. – Broken

“Dear Steve,

Married 22 years, only to find out from family therapist and court therapist…lets see, first said I married a sadistic sociopath and was divorcing the devil and second said he was the most narccistic a**hole she ever met and he thought the world owed him something.

What I thought was some kind of mid life crisis/maybe biopolar, was the Katrina of my life, I was the responsible one, I was the one with the good credit, and believed in partnership…he was cunning, calulating, and a psycho bully.

The story is as old as the bible. He set me up fiancially every way he could, drug the divorce out for nearly two years, and did every illegal act from having his name removed from ccards, to blowing the 401K on lawyers, toys, and trips, to making our 15 year old daughter’s life and mine a living hell.

I was awarded WHAT WAS LEFT OF THE 401K, but he is apparently using it to pay the ‘CONTRACTUAL ALIMONY/THE LOAN PAY OUT FOR ALL THE 401K he blew..’, and the child support comes out of this 401K I was awarded. He did not follow the divorce degree, went and did taxes AGAINST THE JUDGES ORDERS AND MY SORRY ATTY AND THE TX COURT SYSTEM NEVER MADE HIM PRODUCE ANY OF THE REQUIRED PAPERWORK FOR DISCLOSURE.

He never signed the papers to transfer the 401K to me, didn’t cooperate with the court requests, motion to compel, demand…Judge said, “could Yall just go to mediation? I don’t know what this monster did behind my back all these years, never got see his “chase” credit card and the 30,000 on it WHAT THE HELL DID HE SPEND IT ON??? I’m suspecting porn and GOd knows what else, maybe that trip to Brazil for fishing that he said “his partner paid for”.

I was forced to mediation because according to M…county, TX domestic violence and rape detective it was the only way I would get my daughter the protection and PEACE she deserved. Husbands and fathers can break all the restraining orders they want cause the cops say “take it up with the judge, if you are still legally married, but separated.”

I am left with nothing, I had to just give him every thing, I haven’t even done taxes because THIS MONSTER SCREWED EVERYTHING UP HE COULD, and walked away. I am left holding the bag. I worked hard for my good credit and it is destroyed, my lawyer is a one man show that says it won’t do any good to take him back to court.

I have emails and letters he sent me stating he was going to $$$ because I left him,and one specifically about IRS and how he was setting it up where they would take everything…all because I refused to expose our daughter to his insantity.

“So in his sick mind, “I took his daughter away from him, so what if she was cutting leaving with him”, Now I still have to deal with him because we have a home on both on the deed, I can’t refiance it because my credit it done. I can’t pay the credit card companies because I have to think have a nest egg for my daughter, for medical, dental, and college around the corner.

I went to court numerous times for protective order, aand couldn’t get it. He broke all restaining orders, vanidalized our home and property, stole anything of value during the divorce, gee..if I could understand it all if I had been a lying, complaining, using, cheating whore like him. SO I have a year and half before I have to sell this house, I have a 8 year old car with 80,000 miles on it, and did I fail to mention he IS HAS ESTABLISHED GOOD CREDIT THROUGH THE YEARS BECAUSE OF MINE, AND WITHHELD ALL MONEY AS PUNISHMENT DURING OUR SEPARATION AND TOTALLY DESTROYED MY CREDIT, AND REMOVED HIS NAME OFF THESE CARDS HE HAD USED??? AND IRS TOLD ME IT’S MOST LIKELY HE FORCED MY NAME ON THE 2008 INCOME TAXES.

All this because I finally had enough and said YOU GET HELP OR WE OR NOT COMING HOME. No I have not even begin to deal with the fiancial aspect because I was too busy having to go to court, and pick up the pieces of our lives while he went out bought a motorcycle, hooked up with his next meal ticket, took trip after trip (all with his biker chick) bought a rv, and since she owns her own house, got a pension…and he is having her sign the “contractual alimony” checks to me, and sign his name…I can only wonder what is ahead of me and my daughter and this devil’s “narccististic rage”, apparently he was and is slicker than owl poop when it comes to conning and manipulating the system.

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Did I fail to mention I even gave him the better vehicle, (which the loan is in my name) Title in his..and everything he wanted including claiming our daughter, who he told “you are dead to me” I haven’t dealt with this up until now because it has taken everything I MENTALLY HAVE TO BE STRONG FOR MY CHILD AND LEAVE HER WHILE I WORK KNOWING HE IS SICKER THAN I COULD IMAGINE. He hasn’t even produced the life insurance he is required to pay for her. Don’t tell me to go back to court, TX Good ole boys have done nothing but allow my child’s father to TEACH HER THIS IS HOW YOU WIN THE GAME AND NOT BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE.

I will never trust anyone with my credit again. So much for being the loyal trusting wife. And of course the day my child and I fled, he was already on that night and two weeks later screwing his biker girlfriend. I hope the secret life he led all the years he pretended in our small town to be the RESPECTABLE MAN…catches up with him.

1. I need to deal with IRS, I’ve sent off for the original signing of the 2008, we were to file jointly and also for 2009, for 2009 he filed separately and married. I was working at home dealing with the 13 horses he had bought and put on our one acre yard, so no income for 2008 and 2009 was for me outside the home.
I have documentation out the butt on the kind of sick abuse he did to us.

So should I attempt innocent spouse, cause the devil had all his business dealings sent to his office, I DONT KNOW WHO THE HELL I EVEN MARRIED OR WHAT HE HAD DONE THE LAST 20 YEARS.

2. I need to write the credit card companies, I can’t pay them,and I don’t even know what to say. I am going to have to file bankruptcy..did I tell you he told the court therapist that “if I filed bankruptcy on all our debt, (all his spending) that he would get help? What do I even say to them?

3. I don’t even know where to start, he told his daughter he was going to break me,and I am, I ask GOd everyday please get me through this, cause 22 years and I couldn’t get a damn bedroom suite, and he rode that pony all the way.

The only blessing is the court therapist gave him supervised visitation with our child, requiring his visitation be in her office. Well he has not done so and does not contact our daughter. I got news for him, having to face the reality that this is the kind of “man” I picked to be the father to MY ONLY CHILD WAS THE WORST PUNISHMENT than anything else.

I am 50 and dont even know where to begin and it costs more money than it’s worth to go back to court. Oh I’ve paid my lawyer, but I don’t think he even knows what I should do other than “just give him everything you take the bill, and he’ll go away.” Well my inheritance from my father got us completely out of debt 9 years ago and I never even got to see what the hell he was spending on his so called “home business credit cards”. Didn’t produce and the judge didn’t care either.

The last time we went court my 15 year old daughter said, “Momma they dont care what he is doing to us, this is a game to them, and he’s done everything but beat us and burn the house down.”

I owe 50,000 in credit card debt (that I am aware of) and have been working (did I tell you I got fired from my first job, cause he showed up there and I “had too many problems with going to court and all”.

Even if I were able to sell this house he destroyed the property, built all these damn buildings(none of them inspected) and with all the horses he put on our yard and them gave them away, the house roof leaks, and not to mention the gargage was never repaired from IKE.

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I am broken but not beat, I would like to try and pay these cards but I know in my gut this man is going to self destruct and do everything to take us with him. My gut tells me nest egg what I can. The lawyer kept telling me, forget your credit it can be rebuilt, I have just enough money saved to pay for bankruptcy, and I have to spend 1500.00 on my car (it’s paid for) but hasnt passed inspection due to emissions. Help me, over come this some how, I just don’t know where to even start….please give me some advice. I have no family to help.


Dear Broken,

It seems like you got a bad deal with that guy. Now the issue today is do you want to invest your precious life energy looking back at this point or moving forward to a safer and better tomorrow for you and your daughter?

If you are ready to move ahead then the answer seems to be very clear, move out, move on and file bankruptcy.

Every mental minute you invest in fighting this guy and trying to make him do the right thing is a minute of your life you can’t use to invest with your daughter into making things better from this day forward.

I guess on one hand it could be argued that by you turning your back, walking away and starting over you stop being a victim and start being in full control of your life. You take his power over your life away from him.

Credit is easy to rebuild after bankruptcy. In fact I wrote this guide to show how simple and easy it is.

If you file bankruptcy and include all the debt in your name, any joint debt become his responsibility and his problem. In this case it seems the day you file bankruptcy you get your life back. He will also have to take over the car payments or get the car repoed. If the car is collateral for the loan it gets towed away when you file bankruptcy and he doesn’t pay. How sweet will that feel?

The IRS problem is a procedural issue and with some help from or an Enrolled Agent that can be addressed. But the IRS issue is almost secondary to the debt issue so I would immediately go find a local bankruptcy attorney licensed in TX and go talk to them, right now!

You can click here to find a local bankruptcy attorney and if you’d like a second opinion about your situation or a personal consultation by another debt coach, please feel free to contact Damon Day.

At this point I need for you to stop looking back and instead start looking forward to a better life starting today for you and your daughter. Take back your power from this guy by breaking the financial bonds and moving on.

The sooner you take action to intervene in the financial situation, the quicker it can be resolved. I totally get the sadness, sorrow, and misery you have lived through but not changing the financial situation just results in tomorrow looking like yesterday.

If you can’t make him change and do the right things, you need to. This means you must do what needs to be done to alter the equation and take action you can control to make life better for you and your daughter.

Does it totally suck that you will probably file bankruptcy as the result of actions of that guy. Hell yes it does. But it is what it is. It sucks, note that, but still take action to change the situation.

This does not have to define your life. Do what needs to be done, start over, and then use what you learned from this experience to help others. Turn a crappy situation into a blessing.

Please post your responses and follow-up messages to me on this in the comments section below.


You are not alone. I'm here to help. There is no need to suffer in silence. We can get through this. Tomorrow can be better than today. Don't give up.

About the author

Steve Rhode

Steve Rhode is the Get Out of Debt Guy and has been helping good people with bad debt problems since 1994. You can learn more about Steve, here.


  • Been there, done that! Situation sounds eerily close to mine. It has been 3 years now since the divorce. HE filed bankruptcy & left me with all of his debt, does not pay child support, took half of my retirement (legally) & I got sued for his medical bills (which was the only thing he was ordered to pay in the divorce by the way). I can not file bankruptcy because I have 2 children who need a home. I am trying to purchase a home & a bankruptcy is not feasible at this time. My advice is to get the divorce, file bankruptcy, and then work on rebuilding it is too hard to keep paying while trying to move on. As hard as it is to leave it all behind, it is the only way to move forward.

  • Been there, done that! Situation sounds eerily close to mine. It has been 3 years now since the divorce. HE filed bankruptcy & left me with all of his debt, does not pay child support, took half of my retirement (legally) & I got sued for his medical bills (which was the only thing he was ordered to pay in the divorce by the way). I can not file bankruptcy because I have 2 children who need a home. I am trying to purchase a home & a bankruptcy is not feasible at this time. My advice is to get the divorce, file bankruptcy, and then work on rebuilding it is too hard to keep paying while trying to move on. As hard as it is to leave it all behind, it is the only way to move forward.

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