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My Husband Gives Money to His Mom and We Can’t Afford It

Written by Steve Rhode

Question:

Dear Steve,

I just had a baby, my husband and I are struggling with money. At the moment we are living at my moms and been here for almost 3 months. We have been looking for apartments and we aren’t financially stable, my husband is the only one working right now. I stay home with the baby. We only have $300 saved up. The thing that bugs me is his mom needs also help with money, he has been giving his mom money, and he told me he is going to continue giving her money.

What should I do, knowing that my baby and I need our place and we need to save up money and I believe his mom can wait until we get settle and be financially stable he can help his mom?

Kasey

Answer:

Dear Kasey,

You have two major choices. You can negotiate a solution you can both agree on or you can tell him to go packing and do your own thing.

Another approach would be to see if you can assist in reducing the financial burden of your new family by investigating any possible government benefits you are eligible for. Go to Benefits.gov and see what you may qualify for.

The only money you have currently to use to finance your life on your own with your husband is what is available after income minus expenses. If that doesn’t leave you with enough to move out on your own then it is what it is.

One possible answer to the situation is you just simply can’t afford to move. And while your husband elects to use part of the income to give to his mother, that is a reality you have to deal with if he does not change that.

Not every family views all income that comes into the house as joint income and sometimes the spouse that earns more thinks they can do what they want with their paycheck because they earned it.

My belief is if both spouses are working hard, even in different ways, for the benefit of their small family that all assets are joint assets. For example, a stay-at-home mom adds value to the family by raising the child, keeping on top of the house and managing family life. The husband just works in a different way and adds value differently. Ultimately they are both working towards a common goal as a team.

This might not be a view that is shared by your husband but the only way to find out would be to have a conversation with him about his beliefs and approach. If he has a different perception of what family responsibilities should be and you can’t come to a mutual agreement, then you may just simply not be financially compatible.

It surely doesn’t feel like it but it is probably much better to have to deal with this now and have that financial talk with your husband at this time rather than living in conflict and resentment for the next 50 years.

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About the author

Steve Rhode

Steve Rhode is the Get Out of Debt Guy and has been helping good people with bad debt problems since 1994. You can learn more about Steve, here.

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