I Am Very Deep in Debt and My Husband Doesn’t Know. – Noname


“Dear Steve,

The email address I gave you is for my husband (who is fine with debt) but unknowingly to him, I am very deep in debt. I am working hard to get out but find I cannot. I really think I need help but don’t know who to turn to and what to do?

Can you help with banks who don’t care?


Dear Noname,

I had to ponder over your email for a bit. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to notify you of the answer to your question by having me email your husband since that is the email address you intentionally gave me. I opted to not email you. I’m not going to be the agent for change between the two of you, you are.

Fear of disclosure to a spouse is a normal and regular occurrence. See My Husband Doesn’t Know About My Cheating. What Should I Do? – Lynn. You are not alone.

My answer and the comments to that question also apply to you as well. I’ll let that speak about your situation but I do have a couple of additional points to make as well.

Marriage is for better or for worse. If your spouse is going to leave you over a financial screwup then I think you need to contemplate how strong the relationship is to begin with. Fear of being honest with your spouse does not change the truth about the situation.

If you have a really close friend that you both know, consider cluing them into what is going on and asking them to be present at your discussion with your husband to help be a friend and give you both personal strength.

You asked about banks that don’t care. One of the things that I learned hard in life is that banking is not about compassion, it’s about profit. Caring is not part of the equation, except for marketing.

See also  Am I Really Going to be Held Responsible for the Old Debt From My Ex-Wife? - Gene

Problems faced with facts and reality are better than financial worries faced with assumptions and fear.


You are not alone. I'm here to help. There is no need to suffer in silence. We can get through this. Tomorrow can be better than today. Don't give up.

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Steve Rhode is the Get Out of Debt Guy and has been helping good people with bad debt problems since 1994. You can learn more about Steve, here.
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