I Want a Divorce From My Cheating Husband But We Have This Mortgage. – Stuck


“Dear Steve,

I am seeking to divorce my husband who I have found out is cheating. We live in a no fault state so that is not an issue. However, though the title to the house is in both our names, the main mortgage is in my husbands. I say main because we qualified for the house from a local program that has given us no interest loans (in addition to the main mortgage) for as long as we live in the house.

I need him to leave for my peace of mind. I would like to remain in the house with our child as on my salary alone, I can just afford the bills. However, we now are upside down on our mortgage and I am stuck.

What can I do, trying to be fair, to get him to leave. I dont want to move because the house is in my daughters school district.


Dear Stuck,

When you say you can “just afford the bills” that does not leave me with a warm fuzzy feeling. Just getting by is a plotted path towards financial disaster, especially owning a home. What’s the plan when something breaks? I doubt you’ll be able to build an emergency fund as you are “just” getting by.

Hum, why not just ask him to leave and if he won’t then evaluate what your priorities are. If your priorities are to get you and your daughter out of that environment then talk to your divorce lawyer about your soon to be ex-husband taking over the house and you move out to rent in the district.

This might be a better time to consider breaking your financial ties together, consider bankruptcy, hand the house back to the bank since it has no equity and get alimony and child support from your husband along with a fresh start. That is not an unreasonable plan based on where you might want to move forward with your life from this point.

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Consider this, if the main mortgage is in your husband’s name and you guys split and he falls behind on the mortgage or stops paying it, the house gets foreclosed on and you get evicted.


You are not alone. I'm here to help. There is no need to suffer in silence. We can get through this. Tomorrow can be better than today. Don't give up.

Steve Rhode

3 thoughts on “I Want a Divorce From My Cheating Husband But We Have This Mortgage. – Stuck”

  1. Sally, I don’t know if you’ve ever had a cheating spouse, but believe it or not, there is no law against cheating. Therefore, when the time comes to make a decision about division of property, financial obligations, child support and alimony, whether or not anyone cheated is not taken into consideration at all. The one who walks away with the most is the one who can pay for the best attorney, or in my case, when both attorneys are equal, you get half of everything, the house and the debt (whether or not you can afford it).

  2. Wow she’s going through a tough time. I know how she feels. Well the good thing is that she has all the power since she found him cheating. The court is going to be on her side most likely, so if her soon to be ex knows best he’ll move out. Divorce is so hard that’s why I recommend people use uncontested divorce forms whenever possible. It’s so much easier.

  3. Divorce stinks and I know because I’ve been there. Women (myself included) make a big deal about the house, i.e., “I don’t want to leave the house, I love my home, I don’t want to uproot the kids,” etc., etc. and end up making all their financial decisions based upon keeping the house. This is a bad idea which led to bankruptcy on my part because I insisted in staying in the house instead of moving into a less costly situatiion. I made the mistake of thinking that just because he cheated, the court would give me a better settlement. Steve is right you should talk to an attorney, and remember that he will have to pay you child support and possibly alimony depending on how long you were married. The best possible thing you can do for yourself is move out, let him refinance the house to get you off the mortgage, and you go forward without that financial burden. You are in no way “stuck” in this situation and I would get a good attorney and get out of there.


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