I don’t know why but tonight after two hours of sleep, I was wide awake. My solution was to head up to the guest room and watch some television in hopes I would fall back to sleep. No such luck.
As I laid there watching the overnight infomercials on the little television I could not help but remember those days when I was deep in debt, stressed, and unable to sleep. It seems like some of the very same commercials and shows were on back then.
When I was deep in financial trouble I found myself doing what most people in that situation do, not sleeping. All I seemed to do at night was worry. My mind raced and I felt dread and doom. Ironically, it seemed as soon as the sun came up I could fall asleep but after an hour or so I had to get up to go to work.
And then going to work wasn’t much fun either since I was now so sleep deprived. Somehow I struggled through the day giving a 50% effort because I was so tired and unfocused. Those times were not good for anybody.
Just a few minutes ago I saw a series of infomercials that were so similar to what I watched back then. It was the same Tony Robbins (does that man not age?), penis enlargement, magic money making thing, and miracle cream that I watched during my overnight battles.
Being sleep deprived did not make it one bit easier to deal with the kids, the situation, and certainly not the collector calls. It’s all enough to make you feel suicidal.
Ultimately I Learned the Answer
It took me a long time to figure out what the solution was to beat the insomnia. The answer wasn’t warm milk, pills, soothing music, etc. All of those things might help me to fall asleep but obviously my brain was churning in the night for after a few hours I would be wide awake again, depressed and panicked. If you are reading this, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about.
No, ultimately the solution to my insomnia, stress, and fatigue was to find a solution and way to deal with the real problem at hand, the fact that I could not pay my bills. It was not until I finally took some action to deal with that, that the quality of my sleep and my life began to improve.
And it makes perfect sense to me now. Until I did something to change the situation, nothing was going to change. And as long as I could not pay the bills, stop the collection calls, or minimize my fear and worry for my wife and child, my tomorrow was going to be the same as my yesterday.
Eventually I did stumble into taking action. As I look back now it was a brave step and one that I had waited far too long to take. In reality, by my not reaching out for help or taking action I just wasted a year of my life, not sleeping, worrying, and hating the days and dreading the nights. All the worry did me no good, only taking action.
I guess that’s a big reason why I do what I do now, helping people for free with their debt problems. It was painful and senseless for me to struggle in the middle of the night so I want to help other people avoid it also.
You are not alone. I'm here to help. There is no need to suffer in silence. We can get through this. Tomorrow can be better than today. Don't give up.