Labp
“Dear Steve,
I have gone into debt with credit cards because of my husband who has not financially helped me and I have been told that there is nothing legal that I can do. He wont leave and I am afraid if I do he will file abandonment. We have 3 kids. I can barely pay my mortgage and household bills and all of the other debt that I have. He is mentally and emotionally abusive. I don’t know what options I have. I cannot afford a lawyer or anything.
What can I do?
Labp”
Dear Labp,
Do You Have a Question You'd Like Help With? Contact Debt Coach Damon Day. Click here to reach Damon.
I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. It must be unbelievably difficult to make it through the days. Hopefully he is not being physically abusive with you as well.
These types of marital issues are way beyond my scope of expertise but I would urge you to call your county welfare, social service, or health department and ask them who can provide you support and assistance with those issues. If they can’t help, call the non-emergency number of the local police department and tell them you need to find help for you and your children to break this cycle of abuse. The irony is that there is a lot of specific help for women who are victims of physical abuse but it is hard to find direct programs for emotional or financial abuse.
On the financial front, you’ve been using the credit cards just to make ends meet and that is a difficult issue. If you stop using the cards you won’t be able to pay for the basic expenses, you’ll probably wind up homeless. But in order to break out of this abusive relationship you’ll probably have to seek shelter through a woman’s program anyway. Unless you break this cycle at some point, this is only going to continue. The abuse and debt easily lead to depression and the depression only furthers your inability to take action to change the situation so the downward spiral continues.
Honestly, the debt is the least of your worries right now. You must seek help for the marital issues first and undoubtedly the answer is going to lie in either him changing or you and the kids leaving. Once you can locate a support network for the marital issues, then without an income in your life, bankruptcy will probably be in your future.
The good news is that you are reaching out for help and while I can’t provide you with expert marital help, maybe I’m just a signpost along your journey and I’ve been able to point you in the right direction. Don’t stop asking for help now. You’ve taken a big and brave step. Keep moving forward. Please.
Photo: stucklo6an
